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January 16, 2007

Gifts, not Guilt

by by Caryn Rivadeneira

Having spent the majority of my working life in professional ministry, I can testify heartily to its rewards. Of course, the benefits of working in ministry don't come in the form of the hefty pay packages my friends in the "secular" world enjoy. The true payoff - at least for me - in ministry work has been the opportunity to use and sharpen my God-given passions, talents, and gifts for something - excuse the clich?- - I believe in. I hope that this is true for those of you who use your gifts in ministry.

But I've also seen many of my friends not so pleased with their ministry experiences - be it in church or in some other type of ministry. This surprised me most with a couple of my friends who are natural leaders in other spheres of life, but who flounder when it comes to finding their niche serving at church. That is, until I realized something: They were trying to use their leadership skills in ways that didn't match their other gifts at all.

I firmly believe that if you want to serve the Lord using your leadership gifts, you need to figure out how to do it using your other gifts, no matter how worldly or unimportant they may seem. This means that you need to recognize that your mighty tennis serve comes not only from hours of practice but from the Lord. Likewise with your perfectly gooey chocolate brownies or your compelling public speaking style. God is the God of tennis, brownies, and public speaking, and all those talents can - and should - be used effectively for serving him.

But what I see happening is women - particularly us leaders - feeling compelled (though not called) to get involved in ministries out of guilt. You know what I mean here - you get involved in a ministry that doesn't appeal to you simply because you feel like you should, because there's a need.

My own example of this is Little Lambs, a preschool ministry at my church. Without a doubt, I think this ministry is the finest our church has to offer. And the men and women (mostly women, really) involved are some of the finest, most patient, able, and gifted, God-honoring people the church and community have to offer. Every week when I bring my son there and leave him in loving hands, I praise God for those people who volunteer, and I marvel at their commitment and their gifts. And I praise God that I don't have to stay.

If ever there was a ministry that didn't fit my skills, it's a preschool one. I know because a few years back I responded to a need for helpers (out of guilt) and committed nine months to it. It nearly did me in. I normally get involved in projects and immediately start eyeing ways to "move up" or contribute significantly, but in that setting, surrounded by wild and wooly preschoolers and other moms and volunteers who actually knew what they were doing, I shrank away to the Play-Doh tables where I could chit-chat with little kids and pray God would get me through till 11 o'clock. He always gave me that strength and has also given me the strength to say no to the saintly Little Lambs director when she calls to ask me to volunteer again. God is good!

Of course, this doesn't mean I think we should say no to every and any opportunity that isn't a perfect fit. Parents are asked to volunteer for Little Lambs once a semester and I do it joyfully - mostly because I know it's temporary.

And there will be times when God asks us to stretch beyond our comfort zones and meet needs - and he will equip us. However, I think the best way to serve him is to combine your leadership skills with that that tennis serve and organize a tennis tournament to raise money for needy kids to go to summer camp or mix some leadership into that perfect brownie recipe and put on the best darn brownie sale your church has ever seen to raise money for the hungry. (Let me know if you're having one - I'm nine months pregnant and will pay big bucks for a perfect brownie!)

But maybe I'm wrong?Maybe my look at this is just selfishness. What do you think?

Posted by Amy Simpson on January 16, 2007 8:59 AM

Comments

I think this all brings up some interesting questions. What does it mean to have a gift? Does it mean to have talent in a particular area? Graciousness about it? Generosity? Attraction to the thing in question?

When I was a teenager, I despised history. My history teacher said I should not despise what I was so good at... maybe he saw a gift where I could not. Is a gift only a gift once we recognize it as such?

Anyway. No answers here. Just a lot more questions.

Posted By: L.L. Barkat | January 16, 2007 3:34 PM

well, i guess its a gift...remember gifts are gifts even though u mite like them or not...... actually, i love the words of Benjamin Franklin- hide not your talents, they are for use.....i guess he was somewhat of a revolutionary person, had a really terrrific mindset, to use to his utmost whatever gifts or talents that he might possess.....:)

Posted By: chue sie | January 16, 2007 8:52 PM

I have been serving overseas with my husband and children for 8 years.I am glad that Caryn presented both sides of being gifted in an area vs serving in an area where you aren't gifted because of other reasons (great need, it seems to be where God has placed you at the time, or because your aim is for higher, greater purpose). I imagine there are many who serve overseas like me or in a small congregation in the West feel like the whole idea of giftedness gets lots of emphasis that we aren't able to realize in the work God has us doing right now.

Posted By: candice | January 17, 2007 5:12 AM

I thank God for the day he led me to this site. With two different blogs, He has released me from guilt and burdens I've been carrying for decades!

We do have gifts that I believe are given to the church through individuals. To not use our gifts is to rob God. But while we should strive to find ways to use the gifts God has given us in that perfect blend, we should be open to the occasional "because we just need this done" sort of ministry (recognizing as Caryn did that it is temporary!).

Posted By: Tami Martin | January 17, 2007 8:32 AM

I'm so glad you said you take your turn in the preschool!
I am a leader in a large church and finding people who feel their "gifting" is in the area of caring for children is always a challenge.
Many people think the professional teachers should do it. That's their "gift", after all. The teachers have been with children all week and would usually like a break on the weekends!
Everyone who is physically capable should volunteer to take a turn with the children. It's hard work but it can be fun and it keeps us humble.
When we begin to appreciate children and children's workers in the American church, we will see more people "gifted" to work with children.
Unfortunately, "It's not my gift." can be an excuse not to serve.

Posted By: Sue | January 17, 2007 9:23 AM

I don't usually have time for blogs, except the one on Lymphoma, which I follow closely because I have lymphoma. But as I was rapidly going through my email from my students (I teach online at a local university), I saw an email alerting me to this site, and found myself reading the main entry and comments. I am almost 60 years old. My husband has been in the ministry all his life--since graduation from seminary in 1971 (and before, actually).

My two cents is that we expect more out of ourselves than others do (as far as working in the church goes). I've learned from experience. God showed me how I was doing too many "jobs" because I thought I could do it better than anyone else. After several years of suffering from cancer (mostly worrying over the effects it has had on my husband and children), I have found a new joy in doing one thing -- teaching my senior adult SS class. It's enough. I am a writer (English teacher), and I am the one "they" come to when someone needs something edited or written. I wrote the church history (100 years) and a biography of a pastor who stayed at our church for 17 years. All that while I was trying to write my dissertation and work full-time. It all got done somehow; I got a doctorate in Instructional Technology, the church history and biography were published, and I even got all the grades in, albeit late because I was so sick I couldn't hold my head up.

God didn't make me sick to get my attention; I'm sure of that; if anything, I made myself sick. But God sustained me in a way that showed me a new path. I now do one thing--teach SS--and I've never been happier. My class just this past Sunday made a circle around me and prayed for me once again because I leave tomorrow to go to Birmingham to UAB for my three-month CT scans.

We've been at the same church (large one) for 27 years--must be a record. I can not tell you how many times we became so disillusioned along the way and were on the verge of quitting, when God had someone intervene on our behalf and show us the way.

Yes, the ministry is difficult, especially these day, when everyone has so much access to technology and can know something about everything, it seems. But the human touch, the prayer for healing, the kind voice--these are sorts of thing develop over time, and we must stay in the ministry long enough to develop these gifts and fruit of the spirit so we can share them with others. My gift is teaching--I've always known that--learning to use it the way God intended was the hard part. Sorry for be so long -- I must go back to grading papers now.

Judith Steele,
Pensacola, FL

Posted By: Judith Steele | January 17, 2007 10:26 AM

I agree, sometimes we serve in areas where we don't feel 'gifted' because of guilt. And sometimes we serve in too many areas where we feel we are 'gifted' because of selfishness (as Shirley said, we believe we can do it best). And both of those reasons cause our heart to be in the wrong place about serving. We grow weary and begin to despise 'the work' we have to do. We find no joy in serving our Lord.
So, should we serve where we do not feel 'gifted'? Not always. However, I think that sometimes we avoid ministries where we don't see the obvious fit.
I believe that sometimes we 'bow out graciously' because we don't believe we could ever fill the shoes of the person who served before us. We forget that God does not make carbon copies. He expects you to serve Him differently.

Ask God how He wants you to use your talents and gifts in serving Him. It might just be in the ministry that you don't think fits your gifts at all.

Posted By: Melissa Allen | January 18, 2007 6:06 PM

This article was well written. It allowed me to see where I struggle and how to use my gifts for God's glory and to work better with others that have different gifts and talents.

Posted By: Candi | January 18, 2007 6:25 PM

Anytime we do anything for the Kingdom of God as servants your heart must be in the right place. The bible says He loves a cheerful giver. If we do anything begrudginly this does not please God.

When handling God's people it should always be in the spirit of love manifested, not as part of a confession. People know when someone is not genuine and it hurts to be dealt with with harsh hands of duty and not love and compassion.

Only those things that we for God will stand. He has given us His best we should give Him our best, that does not come in the form of guilt or busyness, just to say that you have done something.

In these very trying times in our world we really need servants who are moved with love and compassion, whether it is a gift or not should not be the question.

In short if there is love, compassion and a desire to serve without a begrudging attitude, Then Go For It!

Posted By: Proverbs 31 | January 18, 2007 8:03 PM

I am currently a bibleschool student plus a student nurse so I know a bit or two about endurance:). My knowledge of a gift is different of that as a talent. A talent is something one is naturally born with and improves with practise. A gift is what we also know as a spiritual gift- which is given according to God's decision to everyone of us when we accept Him as our Lord and Saviour.
These gifts enable us to operate using them to get closer to God in our walk and to serve the people of God- mainly to serve though.It is these gifts that cause us to be compared to a literal bodily anatomy.The bible does this comparison of the Body of Christ to a literal body.My point is to say, in short, a hand has to work as a hand, a foot as a foot and a mouth as a mouth.Your talents should be offered up to God to be used as well and incorporated into your ministry, but it is your given giftings that will guide you to the best place(s) where you can be most helpful to the allround growth of the people of God.Its is there God's glory will be seen mostly- when you operate in His Will.
For example one of my spritual gifts given to me is that of mercy and ever since giving my life to God at 13 I've had a desire to work with the mentally challenged or physically disabled. The given gift of mercy is what will drive me and motivate me.

Posted By: Rachel Richardson | January 19, 2007 3:10 PM

I have a dilemma. I AM a gifted preschool teacher. I actually looked for opportunities and for the first 2 years was told the roster was full. Then I was a temp and often relieved of my duties because there weren't enough kids so they combined classes. They couldn't believe I actually WANTED to teach.

Now after 4 years of regularly teaching I've headed in another direction - Women's Ministries, I also have gifts of teaching (adults) and leadership. I've been dragging my feet on getting my Sunday School lessons ready for the preschoolers and am clearly no longer interested in attending staff training sessions.

Because I am gifted teaching preschoolers, do I have to continue?

Posted By: Rosalie | January 19, 2007 6:21 PM

It sounds like the gift is teaching - regardless of age. I am someone that God has used in many different ways. While I have served in each of those ways faithfully, when it was time to move on - it was really time to move on. For a season, I was an elementary teacher in a small Christian school, then I worked as a secretary and discovered I had administrative skills, after that the Lord led me back to the Christian school - as the director of the daycare and later the school administrative assistant. Each position helped prepare me for the next one and through it all I've been able to see God's sovereign hand moving on my life. My only caution - is try to finish each commitment clean - the impact on children's ministry when a teacher leaves in the middle of the year is not pretty. Maybe it won't be the best teaching you've ever done - but the stability for the children is very important.

Posted By: Deb | January 19, 2007 10:11 PM

I have struggled with knowing what my "gifts" are. It is so easy for others to see them in me, but I have difficulty seeing them in myself. I recently accepted a small leadership role within our church's single-parent small group. It is as a core group leader for those with "special needs" such as disability or other needs... not necesarily single parents. At first I felt I was not ready to lead, and also wasn't sure if this is where I would fit in. After all, I am a single Mom of a perfectly healthy child. But my heart felt it was okay, and it would be a way to serve in a new way... so I'm stepping up to the challenge. If God wants to use me for His glory this way, then I should let Him. Time will tell if it is the right fit for me. In the meantime, I am able to bless others, which often ends up in blessing me in ways I never would have imagined. So, I guess I would say that although it is important to channel your energies into those gifts you are sure of, you should also remain open to new areas you may not have explored. Our God is a God of wonders and His paths are full of wondrous surprises!

Posted By: Cynthia | January 20, 2007 12:43 PM

After serving for a decade in the children's SS department (an area I don't feel gifted in but felt obligated because there was a need) I found my own spiritual growth stunted and finally began to turn down requests to teach so that I could attend my own adult SS class.

The tricky part of this discussion is that the children do need to have a SS. We have to find that right balance between a need in God's work and our gifts. Sometimes that is going to mean picking up a duty because it needs to be done.

There is no simple recipe - I think you have to prayfully consider each move in your ministry.

Thanks for the well-written article and thoughtful posts!

Posted By: Trekant | January 22, 2007 9:37 AM

As a woman with a heart for the church, I too understand the tension between serving an area of need and serving in a gifted area. The illustration I can best use is cooking dinner for the family. I don't particularly enjoy cooking dinner and admit that my husband does a much better job at it than I. I would rather decorate our home and buy throw pillows--I enjoy it and am pretty good at it. However, if I don't cook dinner my children will often be crabby and hungry; I can't spend all day, everyday, making our home pretty. Many situations exist in the church where we must take care of church responsibilities, much like cooking dinner (especially where children are involved for they cannot "feed" themselves), simply because it is part of our callings as Christians.

Another blessing I think we recieve by serving in areas where we don't necessarily feel gifted is that we are forced to grow in ways we normally would not choose to grow. We often strength train our gifts but our weaker areas never get exercised, and we therefore become unbalanced. It is good to train ourselves in other areas so that we can be well-balanced, well-rounded servants for Christ.

Posted By: Amanda | January 30, 2007 12:00 AM

I feel like the success (or not) of finding the right ministry is a reflection of how well I am doing on my personal walk with the Lord. When I am faithful in prayer and bible study, when I am holding an ongoing conversation with Him all day long, when my life is its best reflection of Him, then I am usually happy in whatever ministry I am in.

I think Amanda is right--that it is good to try different types of ministry--sometimes you discover gifts you had not fully realized. And when you do feel the weight of something that feels like more of an obligation than a blessing, that perhaps makes you dread Sundays, then it is time to take it back to the Lord and reconnect with Him.

Thank you everyone for addressing this important topic!

Posted By: Tracy | February 1, 2007 10:59 PM

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