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June 1, 2007

Loving Those We Lead

by by Sherryl Stone

kiss-of-judas.jpgIf you stay in ministry long enough, you will get hurt. In our small groups and church serving teams we can easily become close friends with those we lead. When hurt and disappointment inevitably comes, it's tempting to throw in the towel and quit, or at least to withdraw from the ones we are called to shepherd. Toxic cynicism can easily seep into our souls.

After one heart-crushing experience I was faced with a dilemma: As their leader, how was I to deal emotionally with hurtful people?

I searched through and earnestly prayed for guidance. John 13 caught my attention.

Although Jesus knew that Judas would betray him, he still included him in the Last Supper. Jesus chose to love him as he did the other disciples. John 13:1 says that Jesus was intent on showing the disciples "the full extent of his love." Verse 2 gives us a clue as to how Jesus was able to shift his mind and heart to be able to do such a thing. It states that Jesus knew who he was, where he had come from and where he was going. As he focused on fully completing his Father's will, Jesus did something outlandish and unforgettable. He knelt down with a water basin and a towel, assumed the role of a house servant, and washed and dried the dusty feet of his disciples.

I wonder what Jesus said to each of the disciples as he looked up into their faces. Some of his words are recorded in Scripture; others are not. Regardless of the words he chose for each of his intimate friends, an atmosphere of love, kindness, and respect lingered during that Passover meal. Though Jesus knew that in a few short hours each of those men would betray him, he still chose to move toward them to meet their needs. Each disciple was related to, not according to their future failures, but according to Calvary's incredible grace and forgiveness.

Later Jesus commanded his disciples to love others in the same manner he had shown love to them. "As I have loved you, so you MUST love one another" (emphasis mine).

So the question really is, How do we begin to love hurtful people with godly love? Here are some suggestions:

1. Pray for those who hurt us. Ask the Lord to help us see people with his eyes and love them with his heart. Let Christ's love fill and flow through us (Romans 5:5b) as we cooperate with God in loving them. Commit to obediently love them as Christ has loved us.

2. Expect others to let us down. Choose to minister to them anyway. Commit to love them as Christ has loved us.

3. As a servant leader, move toward offenders to give them what they need. Despite feeling hurt and disappointed, Jesus didn't withdraw from his disciples. He looked past their failings and approached them with kindness and respect.

It takes courage, faith, and the power of the Holy Spirit to truly embrace the love of God for ourselves and others. Because God paid such a high price for our forgiveness, we cannot remain spiritually vibrant and yet refuse to forgive. Bitterness is not the answer.

The Cross gives us both an example and the power to forgive the hurts leadership inevitably brings.

Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on June 1, 2007 9:24 PM

Comments

That's a good point about Jesus not excluding Judas! I may keep that one for a teaching example.

Jesus loves the difficult ones too. Sometimes they are in our life to teach us lessons on patience, boundaries, wisdom, taming our tongue, etc.
I often remind myself to "extend GRACE" to them.

Posted By: Rosalie G. | June 1, 2007 11:29 PM

That was a good reminder. How would we apply this while at the same time apply Jesus' other incidents where He called people out - both publicly and privately - for their sins? It wasn't just the Pharisees that Jesus picked out to set the record straight but regular folk as well (although religious leaders were certainly the most frequent recipients.)

If someone you've attempted to love over and over again gets up in a public meeting and says "all you leaders are liars & cheaters!" how does one respond? Especially in a congregation that's going through a deep transition which is causing angst amongst 20% of the community (but 80% are totally loving it.)

When this happened to me I told the gentleman that he was rude for saying such a thing about his leaders and that there was no place for accusations, especially false ones, during a public meeting. I asked him to apologize and he refused.

His sister got up and said "you're not a pastor - you're not a shepherd if you can talk to him like that!'

Was she right?

Posted By: Phil | June 2, 2007 8:54 AM

Thanks for the reminder, for it has ministered to me very significantly today. What a powerful lesson on love and humility that is so much needed among believers in these challenging times. The Lord be with you.

Posted By: M. E. McLaurin Adams | June 2, 2007 9:53 AM

An apt reminder for those of us in leadership. Thank you for the thought provoking post. I must admit, at times I am too easily hurt. Can you imagine what it would have been like had Jesus dwelt on the future betrayal of Judas Iscariot?

Blessings!

Posted By: Ivy Gauvin | June 2, 2007 10:11 AM

"It states that Jesus knew who he was, where he had come from and where he was going."

I was having a discussion recently on the identity crisis so prevalent among many Christian women.

This single sentence from your piece really resonates with me.

What if...we knew who we are (in Christ), knew where we had come (from Christ), and knew where we were going (to Christ).

Perhaps, this is the key to our mistaken identity, to loving those we lead, to everything.

Thank you for a thought-provoking post, Sherryl.

Posted By: Pink Collar Club | June 2, 2007 3:30 PM

Phil,
Was she right? Well in a public forum depending on how well the pastor knew this man...maybe yes maybe no. Many people speak out of their hurt. Those in leadership who are easily threatened by people who they think are against them might not really be called or at the least are there prematurely or have alot of growing to do. We all have blind spots. The first thing you need to ask yourself if we are being critiqued is ... is this true of me? Then ask other people outside of your own little group.
With my history of church abuse I think critically for myself now and in the multitude of counselors there is safety. People in leadership all have feet of clay.

Posted By: David | June 3, 2007 11:19 AM

Thank you Sherryl for a practical and spiritual approach for dealing with so-called 'godly' people who injure others. I am struggling with these very issues as I'm attempting to get back into a church environment despite having been hurt badly by 'godly' people, even people I called 'friends'. God wants me to be a leader in the church, but after the things I have been through I no longer see church as safe or desirable. I started my Masters of Divinity with clear goals for adult ministry but am now questioning my calling.
Thanks for another perspective on my situation.

Posted By: Joyce | June 3, 2007 12:17 PM

Hi i think its so important to love others with the same love Jesus has for me. Thankyou.

Posted By: Alistair | June 4, 2007 1:49 PM

Thanks Sherryl, thank you for setting me back on the right path again. I feel more at peace than I use to be.

Posted By: yalum siba | June 4, 2007 6:28 PM

Thank you Sherryl for such an "on time" email. I am transitioning to a new church and will head up one of their ministries. The people are very loving there however, there is a possibility that there will be some opposition to me coming from the outside. If that does occur, reading your email has strengthen my beliefs about loving. There's no better solution than love. Thanks so much for the confirmation!

God bless!

Posted By: Cherryl | June 5, 2007 1:55 PM

Thanks so much. I am right there right now! I even left town for an extended stay to make a decision to get a tougher skin or else leave my position. I determined that I would just immerse myself in the Word and try to be open and receptive to hearing God's voice. Wouldn't you know that my daily readings have been in Corinthians?! Your blog must be a directive from God...I have never gotten a link to this in my email before! Thanks again....toni

Posted By: Toni Stanton | June 5, 2007 2:03 PM

Thanks for words that I needed to hear. It is extremely hurtful when those you have served with for many years seem to have turned on you. I know the Devil loves to twist our thoughts and pound on our emotions to encourage us to react in a selfish way. Thanks for your reminder to follow our Savior's example to LOVE. May God bless your ministry of encouragement to others.
Tom

Posted By: Tom Stanton | June 6, 2007 8:01 AM

I, too, was blessed by your article, and sometimes, when the hurt is deep, think of many of David's words in the Psalms. It helps me to know that even though he suffered from the feelings that betrayal brings, and even cried out to God to avenge his hurt, he refused to act "against God's annointed", Saul, when he had the opportunity. Betrayal hurts, but leaders need to continue to love, lead and ultimately leave judgement to God.

Posted By: Debbie Ettinger | June 6, 2007 11:47 AM

thank you for your compassionate and well supported teaching. It helped me with a struggle, I am going through right now.

I believe that we love Jesus by giving the forgiveness to those that hurt us, that we hope for from Him. Rev. Ayesha Sandra Lee

Posted By: Rev Ayesha Sandra Lee | June 6, 2007 1:42 PM

I am facing a situation where I feel so let down. This article reminds me whose we are and how like him we must become in order to grow in Him. Thank you Sherryl

Posted By: Njoki | June 6, 2007 5:29 PM

I give praise to God for helping me find your website. I was trying just to get a better understanding though I got what i was looking for. I am going through a difficult situation with 2 people in our group and to read the words I have just read helped me gain wisdom to now complete God's will of me becoming a leader. I thank you

Margaret

Posted By: Margaret | June 6, 2007 9:56 PM

Really Sherryl, you've hit hard on a very important aspect every christian leader most be conscious of in his/her ministries. And to me every born again christian is a leader,this most be ascertain and this is a hug temptation that may not be glearing even when is present in someone. i mean not loving others like christ loved us.We must love sinners before their conversion because while we were yet sinners christ loved us.In this we will be converting them in Gods way/partern and if we love unbeleivers how much more our fellow christians.

Posted By: Michael | June 7, 2007 3:47 AM


l thank God for the work done over there j would like to open up friendship with you pastor and the church jam pastor Wilson living in Uganda Africa. God is using us to preach the gospel and people are accepting Jesus Christ as there savior
hoping to hear from you soon
l am
Pastor k, Wilson
REDEEMED WORSHIP MISSION

Posted By: Pr, wilson | June 7, 2007 8:39 AM

I have been struggling with severe hurt from church people, but God is giving me the daily strength to deal with it. The greatest obstacle is my husband-pastor who avoids conflict at any cost, and is focused primarily on his career. I think it would be best for me to minister elsewhere, it is very hard to stay here.

Posted By: Carol | June 7, 2007 4:56 PM

Great article Sheryl. The first church I pastored was dominated by a family with an iron fist ruling matriarch. Most of this family were very overtly hateful and God taught me there how to love and pray for people who didn't love me--even the woman who tried to break one of my hands. It was a hard but invaluable lesson to love like Jesus loves.

Posted By: Rev. Carlene Appel | June 7, 2007 11:31 PM

Ho wonderful! Someone who knows what i have been dealing with. Loving the unlovely! it IS REALY hard, to LOVE, in your own strength, but with God helping, and rolling the hurt on to Him every time you find yourself meditating on how those you have been helping, in love, with all your heart, turn on you, and start hating you, especially after professing friendship and love and kindness. But this was what Jesus put up with. And it is hard, but, with Him, you can love them - again. I have wanted to leave, have pleaded to go to another pastorate with my husband, but, our place is still here for now, and the truth is, there would be people there who would do the same, so best to learn to deal with the hurt from those you are helping in the right way in the first place.
Thanks

Posted By: Ps N Watson | June 8, 2007 3:17 AM

Thanks for the lesson I have struggled with this problem for the past 7 months and just couldn't fine the scripture or anyone to say it the way you did in this lesson. I will try this starting Wed. June 13,07 when we have our board meeting.
CLP L. Gunn

Posted By: Linda | June 12, 2007 2:02 PM

Its challenging and touching. Unconditional love, not only for leaders but also for everyone who calls on the name of the Lord. I imagine what our society, families, workplace, churches, etc will be if this kind of love Jesus demostrated is pratical and alive in us His children.

Love is a choice indeed. Jesus choose to love Judas though He knew he was going to betray Him just in a short while after the last super. May the Lord visit you more.

I'm Blessed!

Posted By: Nicole | June 29, 2007 12:18 PM

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