Gifted for Leadership: On the Outside Looking In

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August 14, 2007

On the Outside Looking In

by by Ronna Miller

I have often pondered these two sets of verses - positioned almost as brackets at the beginning and end of Proverbs, a book that understands and describes wisdom as she:

"Wisdom cries out in the street; in the squares she raises her voice. At the busiest corner she cries out; at the entrance of the city gates she speaks?" (Proverbs 1:20-21)

"Her husband is known in the city gates, taking his seat among the elders of the land...Give her a share in the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the city gates." (Proverbs 31: 23, 31)

Given that there aren't many places in Scripture where that pronoun is used, particularly as reflective of God and God's character, it's worth paying attention to - and finding comfort in. Even so, I have been wont to discover it in these particular passages.

In ancient civilizations cities were often surrounded by a formidable gate, more like a wall, really. All the visitors, tradespeople, and merchants, even enemies, would have to pass through it to get into the heart of the city; the place where life was lived, business was transacted, teaching was done, families were raised, relationships were developed. Considering such, it seems achingly significant that she is depicted at the gate, not inside the city. She is on the outside looking in. Uncomfortable.

I can relate. As a woman leader I often feel like the she described in Chapter 1, as though I'm sitting just outside the action, crying out to passers-by, hoping they will hear and understand my perspective, my experience, my voice. In a male-dominated, male-normative world, it's hard to get inside, into the heart of the action. I have a lot to say, I deeply want to be heard, but I just can't seem to get past the gate. It's frustrating, lonely, and awfully familiar.

Things go from bad to worse when I ponder the verses from Chapter 31 where this particular woman's husband is respected at the city gate. I'm left wondering why she's been left out of that equation; as though her worth is measured through his. And that feels pretty familiar too.

Still, I am wooed by the repetitive imagery throughout these few sentences. It is oddly compelling, and that it does feel familiar offers me a strange form of comfort. When I come to these texts with curiosity instead of resistance, I realize that I am not alone sitting here at the gate. Rather, I begin to see that this woman is with me (as are so many others within Scripture). The text speaks to, acknowledges, and even honors my outside-looking-in reality.

What would it mean for me to intentionally choose to stay at the gate? What if I learned to not only see, but acknowledge the significance of this outside place? How might my perspective change on the activity taking place around me - yes, on the outside - if I stopped struggling to get in to the seeming-safety and seeming-importance of the city? And further, who might I see, what might I hear, if I remain outside? Undoubtedly, those who live on the margins: the outcast, the downtrodden, the untouchables, the uncomfortable.

Perhaps this is why, as these verses culminate, she is praised and esteemed. Perhaps it's not so much because she is the perfect Proverbs 31 woman I've come to know (and often loathe), but instead because she chooses to live, dwell, listen and speak on behalf of those who would never make it inside. Perhaps if I chose to dwell in the midst of those lives, be impacted by them, listen to them, and speak on their behalf, I'd be more willing to stay at the gate, to remain on the outside looking in.

I wonder if this might just be the place God desires for me, at least right now. Not on the inside where I've fought to belong and felt I deserved to dwell, but outside with those whom God chose to dwell. I think I'll stay here for awhile. Join me?

Comments

...A conscious decision I have also made. After many, many years of hitting that ministry glass ceiling, I simply quit trying sometime within the last 2 years.

I was born, reared and educated for ministry leadership; the heart that beat in Paul's breast beats also in mine. And I have been afforded great privilege in leading God's people. I've done everything that can be done in that capacity: from worship leading, teaching, and preaching to running the whole shebang administratively...but always looking from the outside in...always not quite good enough...always being allowed to minister only because no man was available...always being moved out ("laterally", of course)when a man was found.

Lately, I've come to respect both my position, and myself in it. No longer striving for something I cannot have, I've taken a good look around and realized there is much work to be done right where I am, work with the many others I've found here, work for which I am particularly well suited. Along the way I have had to repent for ignoring these outsiders in my struggle to get in, and I've had to redesign both my goals and myself. (Talk about mid-course correction!)

Hopefully, I am more useful to Him now.

Catherine - your honesty about your ministry ambitions and the course correction was beautiful. These are kingdom words: "I have had to repent for ignoring these outsiders in my struggle to get in, and I've had to redesign both my goals and myself."

So much heartache - and so much hope. The mix in which women walk, live, struggle, and survive!

May there be a day where repentence is not just ours for ignoring outsiders as we struggle to get in, but from those already on the inside acknowledging that there is an "inside" to begin with...

That will be a day when the wisdom of Proverbs is, indeed, praised, esteemed, and embodied - at the gate, inside the gate, in all of life!

Ronna,

Thank you for helping me to see what I've idealized (visibility and voice at the heart of the city) as only one way to influence. And perhaps, not the most effective way in many circumstances. Change most often comes from the margins, for so often, to be in the center of things comes with compromises, sometimes the in-your-face kind, but many times, so subtly that we cannot see how our very souls are being wooed by our newfound power.

For you to turn and see invisible, hear the voiceless around you, and embrace their worth - now that is leadership at its best.

Thank you.

Sally J M

Thank you for your insightful comments. You have given expression and understanding to areas of truth. I do have a problem with the useage of the two "women". I have never understood Wisdom of the fist chapters of Proverbs and the Wife of Proverbs 31 to be related or even relational. One is the voice of the Holy Spirit and the other is a human woman married to a human man. I'll think on it some more. But certainly the points you make are beautiful.

They're not directly relational, Ramona - at least in a traditional, scholarly way.

My fascination is with the intentional use of the feminine pronoun and the bracketing of women (whether voice or physical) at the front and end of the book itself. Lady Wisdom and the woman of Proverbs 31 almost stand as the gates themselves - which would be another interesting and important "take" on their relevance - not just to women, but all of us!

I appreciate your willingness to consider other ways in which to understand the Text!

I once read that when you see someone ministering to the unlovely, you see someone who is mirroring what Jesus had in mind when he said to love. When we stand at the gate, either inside or on the outside, we stand with others who have been marginalized by those on the inside, who may not even realize they have left anyone out. Sure, as leaders, we want to be 'at the table', but as Christians first the gate might be the very place we belong. Who else would be there?

WOW. I have just read what I have always felt-I am trained and qualified and thought maybe, just a little bit further down the road, things would be different and I would not be "just outside the gate". Encouraging words and thanks for helping me gain perspective.

Behind vevery great man there has been a great woman often a wife. As a minister I have learned more about The Church from my wife by her ministrery to me, our family and others through her gentle, patient, forbearance to me insp[ite of my far too oftern failures. When women learn and practice the fullness of Tit 2:3-5 "behaviour as becometh holiness....teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,.... discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."
Perhaps then men will learn to teach young men, as cease to inadvertently usurp the headship of the household. It is small wonder that many men want little or nothing to do with a a man who violates presumes the intimate relationship established through teaching his wife. Far too many leaders are creating in a maner of speaking a "spiritual" harem Just as in the natural, The Living Word taught by the husband conceives Life, and when that Word comes to full maturity, the wife will be able to present this back to her husband complete in the same manner she presents her children. Men and Women are no duplicates but unique as a right and left hand. Similar but individualy qualified accordingto The Lord's Plan. It requires each to function fully and effectly.

Thank you for choosing to respond to a post that is written uniquely for and about women.

Indeed, you are right: women are no duplicates of men and because of such offer something distinct and powerful to the kingdom - in and outside the gate - whether "behind" a man or not.

Often, it's the "behind" reality - or at least a belief system that sees such as necessary to a woman's worth - that keeps women feeling "outside."

I'm hopeful that your own desire for men to teach men will be embodied in your personal modeling of what it means to honor women - equally, distinctively, as uniquely chosen by God for powerful impact and influence in all realms - certainly as wives and mothers, but also in addition to such.

Again, thanks for choosing to participate!

Wonderfully said. I think, too, of the assurance Jesus gave that the first shall be last, and the last, first.

I found this insightful and helpful as pertains to the struggles that a woman has in leadership. In this, it is absolutely valid.

However, I wonder if the gates in biblical times were really the outside place that Ronna bases some of her reflection on. In our culture, with unwalled cities, the analogy for the gate-area is probably less the outskirts of the city than it would be the city-center.

But in biblical times, my sense is that the gates were indeed the "heart of the city" -- where all the action took place: discussion, debate, decision-making.

I would not want to invalidate all the heartfelt comments both from the original article as well as the responses. So these things are true...but maybe the verses in Proverbs are not the very scriptural location to anchor those true things.

You make a good point, Bob, and affirm yet another for me: there is something distinctive about THESE women - both widom's voice (with feminine pronoun "she) and the woman of Proverbs 31. Given your cultural observation on the structure of the city and the significance of this meeting place it becomes all the more profound that they are even mentioned in the text...honored, esteemed, wise.

But there's more: in my research I found that though the gate was indeed a significant meeting place, women passed through those gates but would never have been addressed, heard, or seen. Such would have been improper. Instead, they would pass through the gate and on to the spring, pool, or city water-system to meet with other women. It was there that (finally) they could be addressed, heard, and seen; where they could speak freely, honestly, for themselves. (One must hearken to the story of the Woman at the Well and the profound significance of Jesus' presence there - a reversal of the familiar/painful cultural realities!)

For me, this makes wisdom's crying out at the city gates - wanting to be heard - even more profound. And it makes the esteem at the gates of the Proverbs 31 woman even more poignant (and painful) in that she was indeed honored - but unable to speak for herself.

In both cases, regardless of literal/actual location, these "women" are familiarily unheard and unseen (on the outside) AND honored, worthy, "leaders." What will we do to reconcile these two realities? Hopefully, "wisdom" will prevail.

Thanks for drawing out even more relevance and meaning for women (and men) from this text!

Thank you, Ronna. How beautiful. Your words and your invitation call to mind another brilliant woman and a favorite author of mine: Simone Weil. In light of what you said, it is intriguing to take note that Weil considered her call, not to the church, but to the "steps and doorways of the church and the people waiting there."

It is very difficult to "get the platform" in our churches today. But I've noticed God has provided an alternative...there are a lot of people who want to hear your wise ideas via your blog. You can reach more people this way than any platform. God has given you a voice and now the opportunity. Let wisdom cry out :)

Ronna,
Your commentsare most pertinent to the long histories of women seeking ordination. Your comments honor their struggles and show us how far we have yet to go.
But from another perspective,perhaps the church is really outside the gate and women, in the wisdom/Sophia of God, are the chosen of God to preach and lead the people of God.
Janet

'Love your perspective, Janet! Sounds like the voice of wisdom crying at the gates! And, indeed, it would be far more true of the biblical understanding of the kingdom as among us, here and now. Beautiful! And so wise!

I was surprised as I read this article to find that it was written by a woman who had been through many of the same struggles I have, but is responding with much more acceptance. I have to let you know that I am pretty young, only 26, and not being given a voice still makes me very angry. From my perspective I hope that I never stop being angry. But again, I have a lot to learn. Surely there was a point at which the author (and other women commenting) were angry about the whole situation. I don't know whether I'm right or wrong in my reaction, but I am curious about how someone accepts this type of treatment. The behavior of working from the outside is of course the appropriate response when that is all that is left open, but should we be grateful for being pushed to the margins in a church that needs us? Couldn't we do much more to help the marginalized if we were working from the inside? As women, I think we are more likely to notice the marginalized, care for them, and welcome them into the family. I think the church needs us desperately. And I am tired of having my call denied based only on my gender.

I think anger is an appropriate response, Alicia, and one with which I am intimately familiar. In no way would I want to be communicating a message of just "accept where you are and stop complaining." Absolutely not!

What compels me so deeply in these passages is that this experience of being a (wise) voice outside - and crying to be heard - is not unique to my story only; but is actually named, acknowledged and honored in the text. That reality gives me deep hope and encouragement to keep on crying!

And continue crying (out) we must. Even more, we must be the ones who labor to change the dynamics of in vs. out. I believe we will do that best - and most naturally - when we respond from places of collaboration, generativity, co-creation, desire for and pursuit of relationship, and an intrinsic, equal valuing of all of life - qualities with which women are intimately familiar, well-versed, and intuitively skilled.

I will hope much for and from you - at only 26. May your righteous anger be, if only in part, what offers you vast measures of redemption and hope.

I watch King of the Hill and the episodes that feature the Rev Karen Stroup really call the Christian Chuches on how congregation treat women ministers especially single ones. The truth hurts sometimes although it does set you free.

>>in my research I found that though the gate was indeed a significant meeting place, women passed through those gates but would never have been addressed, heard, or seen.... For me, this makes wisdom's crying out at the city gates - wanting to be heard - even more profound.

Ronna,

Thanks for unpacking this for me.

Bob

I read it twice, but I still do not understand. Please help me.

I read what you wrote: "Considering such, it seems achingly significant that she is depicted at the gate, not inside the city. She is on the outside looking in."

In this paragraph, are you referring to Wisdom, or the Chapter 31 wife?

Sorry,

Leslie

I'm referring to both, Leslie; using the reference to "she" as both metaphor and reality for what women all-too-often experience in life, and certainly as leaders: being on the outside - looking in.

In both of these passages, whether Lady Wisdom, or the woman of Proverbs 31, "she" is described as at the gate, not in the heart of the city or in the heart of the action. Further, given the cultural realities of the day, she would not have been allowed to speak (or be seen) in the context of the gate's activity. And still, it is here that the text finds them. In one passage, crying out, in the other, acknowledged via her husband's honor.

We may think that today's cultural realities are far advanced, but too many women still find themselves on the outside, still experience themselves unheard and unseen, still crying out, still longing to be acknowledged for their own merit and worth.

I was hoping to convey this truth, as well as provide a context for understanding what it might mean to be in relationship with one another and others who are outside as well, the marginalized of our world.

We must always work toward, and hope for, an end to "inside/outside" realities; yet, while we do, will we be ones who uniquely, provocatively, and compassionately choose relationship with others who share our plight?

'Hope this helps! I'm glad you are asking!

When we look at Proverbs 31, we usually begin reading at verse 10. It is a shame we skip the first 10 verses. If we read 1-10 we realize that Prov. 31 is a conversation between King Lemuel and his mother. His mother is giving him advice on what to look for in a prospective wife. The "Prov. 31 woman" as a person NEVER existed. She was a culmination of the positive characteristics King Lemuel should look for when choosing a bride. Many times we read this passage and beat ourselves up because we can't possibly be the perfect woman. There is no way any single woman can be ALL those things. We need to concentrate on doing the things God has called us to do and not try to do everything! God has not called us to be perfect - just persistent!

As a woman in her 60's who has been active in evangelical churches most of her life, I found it very interesting to read your article. In my younger years, I probably would have agreed with a lot of what you said. In fact, in recent years I have directly confronted some strong gender-biased leaders in my own church. However, personally I find comfort in the fact that the Lord has made the two genders different. In fact, once I got over my anger I was better able to see how God has created me with unique gifts and insights not to compete with men in ministry, but to complement them.

The Lord has richly blessed me with a marriage (43 years +) where the two have become one in the Lord. We serve together heading a ministry team and he serves as an elder in our church. Our gifts complement each other's gifts in leading and in his position as an elder he often relies on me for a women's perspective. I have no problem being respected through HIS position in the church -- the two have become one. When I led a women's Bible study, he became involved by supporting me in prayer and praying for those attending.

Paul certainly esteemed some women who excelled in leadership in the NT church for he mentioned them by name.

I don't loathe the woman of Proverbs 31 (probably a composite) for she obviously was a multi-faceted woman who could multi-task well. It has been proven that women are generally more skilled at multi-tasking.

In facing some of the problems that our church has faced in recent years, I have realized that women are the understanders and protectors of the innocent. They have insights and wisdom in some areas that men do not have. Men in leadership would to well to respect and listen to their input.

These verses do describe a woman outside of the gate, unnoticed and appearing insignificant. However, "All the visitors, tradespeople, and merchants, even enemies, would have to pass through it to get into the heart of the city..." You better believe that that woman knows who is in that city and what is going on better than all those men transacting business. Her knowledge and insights really hold power if she turns them over to God to use wisely.

I was amazed to see the words I had shared with a fellow collegue in ministry just yesterday, " I feel as though I am on the outside looking in." I had considered writing a column called " Fulfilled or Frustrated - Women in Ministry" You have done an amazing job putting words to how so many of us feel. Thank you for sharing your insights with the rest of us so we don't feel totally isolated from the "church leadership" city.
Doreen (Canada)

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