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September 7, 2007

The Age of the Quiet Influencer

by by Sally Morgenthaler

I was recently part of a think-tank discussion for a company launching a new product. One of the most compelling voices around the table was Doug: creative, master-mind in the resort industry. Manages scores of hotels and ski operations in the US and Canada.

From the get-go, Doug stood out. He seemed to occupy so little space (read: had one very intact ego.) He spoke in sound-bites, questions, and "what ifs." But most of the time, he was listening. Intently. With eye-contact, slight nodding, open body posture. Whoever was speaking received Doug's undivided attention. But it was the kind of attention that was comforting and scary at the same time. Because Doug had this way of keying into both ideas and the person behind the ideas: in a nano-second, he seemed to be able to size up what made you tick.

As the discussion progressed, there were disagreements, ranging from mild to heated. At a couple of points, the disagreements escalated to shouting matches across the table. I was curious to see what Doug saw - how he had translated those moments. After dinner on the second day, I was able to ask Doug his impressions of the skirmishes. He was characteristically laser-like but, more importantly, compassionate in his description of the individuals involved:

"Ed: He's beyond bright. My guess? He easily outranks most people he meets. Probably been at the head of his class his whole life. But at least half this group is in that category. So, it's hard not to be the coolest kid in third-grade. What strategy do you use then?"

"Marilyn: She walks into a room and there's this phenomenal presence. Intelligence. Poise. Charisma. Leadership. She's got it all. The problem is, she doesn't know that or isn't sure of it sometimes. So she raises the volume level and speaks in chapters. Blocks out what she's doing to the other person and to the vibe of the room."

Spot-on. How does he do that? I wondered. No wonder he gets paid to do this for a living. No wonder he's called in to mediate union disputes. No wonder he had become the unofficial leader of or think-tank after the first 10 minutes. And yet, he said the least of all of us. Doug taught me more about influence in those two days than any book or conference - and I've read a lot of books and attended a lot of conferences!

In his book, A Whole New Mind, Daniel Pink contends that the 21st century ushered in a new age: the third act in a three-act play. Act One: The Industrial Age, with economies fueled by mass production. Act II: The Information Age, with economies fueled by knowledge. Act III: The Conceptual Age with economies fueled by innovation. What's fascinating is that in Act III, the main drivers or "characters" are not the industrial moguls, nor are they the high-tech big brains. They're the creators and empathizers: - those who link the best of left-brained capacities with right-brained, intuitive processes. These are the individuals with proven analytical competence, marinated in top-of-the chart emotional intelligence. As Pink describes them, they are high-concept, high-touch.

As I reflect back on Doug and the phenomenal, quiet influence he had on our discussions, I believe he embodies what Daniel Pink is talking about: the whole-brained leader - that rare alchemy of linear analysis and intuition; someone who cracks the code of possibility because knowledge IQ and emotional IQ are working in tandem. Cognition. Imagination. Compassion. Care. Uplift.

I want to be this kind of leader: the kind of leadership that seems to claim no gender, no race, no limitation. If we're truly in Act III on this planet, what does that mean for you, wherever you are leading, in the workplace, at home, in ministry, as an entrepreneur?

For me, it means a whole lot of hope - and that there's a brand new adventure I get to go on. Sign me up!

Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on September 7, 2007 1:26 PM

Comments

Quote: I believe he embodies what Daniel Pink is talking about: the whole-brained leader—that rare alchemy of linear analysis and intuition; someone who cracks the code of possibility because knowledge IQ and emotional IQ are working in tandem.

That's a great insight. Doug's profile reveals something even more critical, however. His character is strong. He is not being self-serving. Instead, his function at the table is to serve the situation rather than (consciously or not) fulfill an agenda.

It's unlikely that Doug is holding that inner dialog we so often experience: "I wonder if I'm displaying the right level of assertiveness? Do they really hear what I'm saying? Am I increasing my chances of creating good contacts of the people at the table?" Instead, his presence at the table doesn't just seem confident, it is confident to the point that he is probably self-forgetful and other-focused. But if, unlike Doug, we haven't come to grips with ourselves outside the conference room, we're likely to try to get our needs met inside the conference room. This will sap our effectiveness and occupy the parts of our attention that, as the author noted, can be best applied to listening, processing perceptions realistically, and framing constructive inputs.

Posted By: Roz Dieterich | September 8, 2007 11:49 AM

What I have been pondering for the past few days regarding your latest post, Sally, is what it would be like as a woman leader to function from such a calm, secure, and competent place. No hamster wheels frantically turning in my brain. No questions of how I'll be perceived. No wondering if I should speak, be silent, side with others, forge my own way. Just being me!

So often the mental and emotional work going on behind the scenes for women in these kind of contexts is so exhausting that we have forgotten how to just BE, as well as just be our true, amazing selves!

I have often wondered just how much more I'd actually be seen, heard, and even valued if I could truly trust that what I have to offer and who I most truly am is good, able, smart, collaborative, creative, and not, as I often fear "too much;" rather, exactly what those around me most need - and want! That then would enable me to function far more like Doug - with my focus/worry off myself and on others...where I truly want it to be!

Thanks Sally, for calling us to be ourselves! As always, you offer laser-like clarity and a prophetic voice to God's heart uniquely on a woman's behalf.

Posted By: Ronna | September 10, 2007 9:28 PM

I agree with both of you, Roz & Ronna. Maybe it's a girl thing, but I'm always (subconsciously?) thinking, "if I don't 'display,' the men in this room will assume either that I don't get the nuances of this discussion, or that I don't have anything worthwhile to contribute -- so I better sit here and formulate something brilliant to say."
I would LOVE to have the confidence to sit and really hear, take in, draw others out --and be the self-effacing catalyst for synergy that Doug apparently is. I think I have the intuitive AND the analytical bents that she mentions . . . It's just that I feel like I'm constantly posing more than I want to, to prove myself worthy of being at the table. Maybe I need to spend some time around a female version of Doug.

Posted By: Wendy | September 12, 2007 4:16 PM

I am truly blessed to have found this article. It says exactly what I have been struggling with during my Christian lifetime. I was often accused of being such an overpowering influence, that I now digress far too often.(Low self esteem) I get lost in the what are they thinking about me or saying, that I neglect to reaffirm my spiritual intuition. I need to be still and know that he is God and not me. When I was "in the world” being a woman required that my feelings go first. Not in Christ, he is first and I too need to be reminded that it is not about me. It is about him.
Thank you for sharing this perspective for us to meditate on.

Monae(Reading,PA)

Posted By: Monae | September 12, 2007 7:29 PM

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