Gifted for Leadership: Is the Church Ready for Iron Ladies?

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January 15, 2008

Is the Church Ready for Iron Ladies?

by by Halee Gray Scott

I have a confession to make, one that I often sheepishly keep to myself: I have very rarely felt discriminated against for being a woman, but often because I am not a certain type of woman.

I stand on the shoulders of giants who labored to make inroads for women's rights, for equal opportunity in our culture, our workforce, our political system, and our churches. As a child and a teenager, my father taught me that I could be anything I wanted when I grew up. I believed him. My generation - the people I grew up with and the people I interact with even today - take it for granted that women deserve the same opportunities as men. My church assumes that leadership in the church should be based on God-given ability and vocational calling rather than gender. At both seminaries I have attended, I have been encouraged by God-honoring, conservative male professors who regularly tell me, "The church needs women leaders. One reason the church today has so many problems is because we have so few women leaders."

No one can deny that discrimination against women is a present reality and that women still face significant challenges in their path to leadership. However, in an age when more women are occupying leadership positions in churches across the country, when more women are running successful, high-profile Christian ministries, when enrollment trends at many Protestant, evangelical seminaries reflect a growth rate among women students that exceeds that of men, I can't help but wonder if we're asking all the right questions regarding the future of women in leadership. Perhaps the question is not, as it has long been, exclusively whether or not women should be leaders in our churches, but also, "How should we perceive women leaders once they are in those positions?"

In a recent book titled, Through the Labyrinth: The Truth About How Women Become Leaders, researchers Eagly and Carli argue that "the glass ceiling" is no longer a useful metaphor when describing the obstacles women face in leadership today. Instead, they suggest the image of the "labyrinth" through which women must navigate successfully to be an effective leader. Women can be leaders, but our perceptions about women and leadership often divert the route to leadership. Research studies indicate that it is difficult for a woman to be perceived as both a lady and an effective leader. Both men and women expect women to be "warm, caring, selfless, and nice" while they expect leaders to be "assertive, direct, and competent." When women display the desirable leadership traits - confident in their competency, assertive, and bold - they cease to be viewed as "warm and caring" and are instead perceived as "tough, domineering, relentless, or brutal." In political circles, these women are called "Iron Ladies."

The first woman who taught me what it meant to be an iron lady was my grandmother, the leader, the helmsman, the anchor of our family. She lived through the Great Depression and World War II. She stood beside her husband through both the Korean War and through three decades of hard labor on a cotton farm. She bore and raised three children who, in turn, gave her five grandchildren. She buried her husband, her father, and her mother. Even today, at age 75, when she is not taking care of sick and aging family members, she's volunteering at the local nursing home and hospital. Yet, I can probably count on a single hand the times I've seen her cry or heard her complain. Once, when I complimented her on her strength, she casually shrugged and said, "Sometimes you just have to be tough." And being "tough" never made her any less a lady.

And so my question for you, lady leaders, is this: If women leaders face this type of discrimination in the broader culture at large, how can we begin to counteract it in our churches? Is the church ready for iron ladies? For women leaders with tremendous visionary and leadership capacities, but who may not display the qualities we expect of women? Are we ready to hold loosely our own expectations of other women leaders and of ourselves?

Comments

I wonder what you think about this article in the New York Times: http://tinyurl.com/2xdccs. It suggests that perhaps societies define 'leadership' as something a woman doesn't have. Brits and Americans want their leaders to 'inspire' but don't think women do this. Norwegians think women can inspire but think leaders are people who can delegate and they think women don't delegate. It seems a lose-lose situation!

As a boomer, I think my mother's generation were the real fighters and that they got the raw end of the whole deal; they had a vision of equality in the future but were never rewarded with equality until their elder years. I grew up thinking there might be more to my life but still got lots of 'girls can't be strong or intelligent' messages as a child and a teenager.

My daughter's generation grew up expecting equality and they are much more outraged when they encounter inequality than I am. This is both positive and negative. Positive in that I sometimes don't fight back. Negative in that discrimination appears to have more of an emotional affect on them than it does on me.

Is the church ready for iron-woman leaders? We have some in my denomination, I think. I'd like to see more men and women being fair, wise and properly assertive but not necessarily iron-fisted. It's not about gender stereotypes but about the way of Jesus.

I am on staff at my church, non-denominational, as the children's ministry coordinator. Over the past few years as my gifts in leadership have been used and recognized I have been asked to join the leadership team. 4 male pastors and myself. It has been an interesting adventure. I have been told that I fit in well because, "well, you don't act like a woman." (emotional, flowery talk) I have told them that if I ever get emotional, shed a tear as I share a passionate thought, I know they will do whatever I'm in favor of. Tears are a weapon they are vulnerable to. Are other women held back from leadership outside of women's/children's areas because they are not "iron women" as you call them? I'm sure they are. In our leadership team we have had many honest, open discussions about our attitudes that we bring with us and how they hinder our openness to God's leading.

So in my situation I've seen a willingness to accept the qualities of an "iron lady" more quickly than those who have the typical qualities of a woman. Am I looking for leaders that have those same iron qualities? Am I open to a more emotional, caring, sensitive woman for a high capacity leadership position? Questions that we have to continually ask if we are to break down stereotypes and see each other as God sees us.

In short, no, I don't think the church IS ready for iron ladies. I myself am ambivalent - I want to be kind, compassionate, caring - and I want to be able to use my intelligence and skills. A labyrinth is a good description of my way. Thank God He continues to cut through my labyrinth and lead me into leadership despite my codependency and desire to not have anyone dislike me. I really appreciate the question. I want to lead, and do, but find that I can still fall into the traps which have hobbled men - desire for power over others, dogmatism. Help! Guess we're always in process.

My gifts of preaching, teaching, administration, long-term planning and supervision are fully welcome by the church, as long as I am willing to serve behind the scenes as a pastor's wife or volunteer in women's ministry, or if I am available to take a low-paying job in an entry-level ministry position. Over twenty years of ministry experience (without title) and a seminary degree with honors is not sufficient. Because I exercise gifts which are not traditional for women and I do so as an "iron woman" I have learned to hide my light. Often this is frustrating!

As a woman in her 60's who's been fighting this fight for over 30 years - we are already here! We had to leave churches and even denominations; we had to fight for pensions and disability coverage when only the men on staff got that perk; but God has been faithful. As we've followed God's call, we've found our niche and made a difference. No longer do they all consider us bothersome - some of us have even gained their respect.

The Gospel turns worldly ideas and expectations about leadership on their head.

The world says to be a leader we need to be strong–but Jesus tells us His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

The world tells us we must be assertive and proud–but Jesus tells us take His yoke and learn of Him and become like Him, gentle and lowly in heart.

The world tells we need to be tough and loud to make an impact–but Peter tells us a gentle and quiet spirit is precious in the sight of God.

The world says the path to greatness comes through climbing the ladder, through jockeying for a position of influence so we might be able to get our own way and lord it over others. The world tells us we become great when we are crowned king of our own little kingdom and have people bowing to us. But Jesus tells us the path to greatness is to become humble like a little child. The road to greatness runs through the basin, towel and cross. We become great when we bow down and wash feet. We become great when we become a servant of all. We become great when we crown Christ as King and bow to Him.

The world reminds us we ought to be sure to hurry to get the best place at the table, for we’re certainly entitled to it–but Jesus tells us we ought to be the ones serving at the table, along with Him.

The world tells us to hold on to our place and our rights–but Jesus gave up His place in heaven and all His rights, He emptied Himself and became nothing, so He could become flesh and give Himself as the sacrifice for our salvation.

We all balk at becoming less and becoming servants, but that was the way of Jesus…In the Kingdom, the way up is down…

Should our goal to be recognized and affirmed as leaders in the eyes of men and women? Shouldn’t we rather be seeking to hear God say to us, “Well done, good and faithful servant…enter thou into the joy of the Lord!”?

I wonder if instead of we women continuing to view the labyrinth as a frustration or an obstacle (been there, done that and admit I do continue to struggle with this), perhaps we should daily ask God for grace to see the labyrinth through His eyes as His ordained means to refine us and as an opportunity to see Him to work immeasurably above all we can ask or imagine. To see it as one part of all those things He is working together for good to those who love Him and are the called according to His purpose.

For me, it takes a lot more strength to be meek and humble than to be an “iron lady.” It’s tougher for me to sit quietly in a meeting and not say something; tougher to wait on God rather than jumping ahead with my own plans; tougher to let that e-mail sit rather than to push the send button.

Is it tougher for us to be in the driver’s seat or to take the back seat?

Commit your way unto the LORD; trust also in him; And he shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:5

Let no one who waits on You be ashamed. Psalm 25:3

Wow - your comments resonate with me. I too am a boomer, taught that I can be anything I want to be, just as long as I am a good wife and mother. In our church this has meant not being as forthright and decisive as I would like to be. I need to be encouraging, supportive, warm and fuzzy. My biggest struggle is being warm and fuzzy and still moving the congregation forward towards becoming an active outreach focused community. As you said, properly assertive but not iron-willed.

Pam, I couldn't agree more - especially with your last statement. The problem the church has with women in leadership is that we expect all our leaders to lead after the pattern of "the world" instead of following the perfect example of Jesus Christ. As a female lead pastor in a 150 year old church who has never seen a woman in such a role - in spite of the fact that women have been ordained for 51 years in my denomination - I have had to confront this type of stereotype first hand. Most folks assumed a woman wouldn't provide good leadership. Then when they realized I could, some of them revolted. "Iron lady" leadership won't work here, even if it were appropriate to display such power in a church setting.

I eagerly await the day when the church is able to stop asking whether or not women ought to be in church leadership and begin asking questions about how all our leadership, male and female, may be made more holy.

I was recently having this conversation with myself! After a lifetime of being raised and formed in the Evangelical churches in Wheaton IL, after an undergrad and graduate degree in Theology, after being a missionary in South Central Los Angeles, after starting Emerging Church groups and then leaving them for their still dismissive attitude toward women in leadership--I have landed as a hospital/trauma center Chaplain.

I reflected this week that I have finally found a place where I can truly be who I am. A place where I can use all my strengths and gifts--completely. A place where I do not need to hide my strengths, or feel the pressure to hide them, for the sake of both the men and women around me and their notions of who I should be. A place where my "Iron Lady" is an assset instead of alienating.

I have found a place where strength and vulnerability must go hand in hand. As a woman I have always known they do, but very few people and places in my life allow for this--particularly in women. It seems as if only the extremes were modeled. I have found a place where ministry and intimacy only happens if you can be strong enough to bear the circumstances.

And this "room of my own" is not in the Church. I had to find it elsewhere.

Thank you Karen D! I loved your perspective and try to emulate it as a leader in my church.

My position is unique. I am the leader of our Facilities Ministry at our church. What is that you ask? This is the team that makes sure the churches are cleaned, the heat is on, and the grass is mowed. We are the ones that recommend improvements to our church and are in charge of construction. So not only am I women leader, but the team I lead is all men.

Right now we are in the planning stages of building a new church. We have simply out grown our old one and there is no room to expand on our current lot. Guess who is in charge of this process? Me. And guess who put me in charge? God! All of our pastors and elders are men and they agree that God put me in that position to lead this process and they encourage me along the way.

When the Facilities Team is conducting business, I am firm and decisive. When we are doing a bible study, we are all very open with one another. The men share there feelings as openly as I do. Its an amazing thing. We have become a true family and hold each other accountable to God's calling in our lives.

The key to this is what Karen D described. Not taking the bull by the horns, but stepping back and letting God be in control. Sometimes it is a matter of even letting a man take the lead. One of the men of the Facilities Team leads the bible study. Not only does this build a stronger team, but it develops me into a better leader.

Forty years have passed since I entered seminary in preparation for ministry. In all the time that has since passed, at work at home and abroad, there have been many times when I have been undervalued, underused, misrepresented and just plain ignored, simply because I am a woman. I finally gave up the "fight." No, I haven't quit, I'm still in ministry, but rather than try to be something I'm not, or something that is contrary to the teachings of Scripture, I try each day to be more and more like Christ in my attitudes and actions.

I cling to promises like the one found in Psalm 84:11 "… no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly." He's bigger than the people or the circumstances in my life.

As well, the titles, the acknowledgment, of the rest of the world, are meaningless in the light of His "well done"

However, I do confess that there have been times when men wouldn't let me through the front door, so I jimmied the lock at the back.

Karen presented a very limited picture of who Jesus is. Jesus certainly turned much conventional wisdom about leadership on its head, no doubt. However, in no way did Jesus cease to be a leader. Neither did he cease to stand up for the downtrodden, nor turn away from social wrongs. Let's not forget that Jesus overturned the moneychangers' tables, and thereby set an example for us all. Jesus was no doormat. He was the perfect picture of leadership, and embodied both strength and humility --- just like an iron lady.

Leadership is not something that Scripture condemns. The Israelites would have remained in Egypt without the leadership of Moses. Paul provided great leadership in the early church and missionary movement. And let's not forget Deborah, who provided leadership for Israel as one of the few "good" judges. I'm pretty sure that she didn't consider "[taking] the back seat" a viable option.

When there are social and moral wrongs, I believe that Christians have the responsibility for addressing them. Discrimination against women as leaders in the Church is one of these wrongs. Scripture is frequently misused to keep women "in their place," and women are often the ones doing the most discriminating!

To say that we should all just "be meek and humble" as Christian women is an incredibly narrow and offensive view of what I believe God expects of us as women. Selflessness is something all Christians should strive toward. But standing up for what's right is clearly something that Christ modeled for us, and I believe that all Christians should do everything they can to banish any type of discrimination --- especially sexism masquerading as “biblical” behavior.

Besides, if everyone were to "sit quietly in a meeting and not say something," what would get done?

Thank you Karen D for the reminder. I pastored for 13 years the last 4 years of my latest pastorate were very difficult. I dealt with a superintendent who was in worldly language a verbal bully. I endured his name calling publicly and his condescension in emails and publicly in front of the congregation. It was humiliating. I have not pastored for 3 years now and I sometimes feel like I am not fulfilling my call to God.

Just recently I began to attend a church where I am sensing the love of God. Genuine love where people are reaching out to one another.

I have been asking God to show me the next steps. I want to be obedient to whatever He wants for my life.

Something I heard from this superintendent, not sure where he got his statistics but he said he read research that there were more women in the church against women in ministry or in leadership than men. He told me he thought it was more an issue of jealousy. Has anyone else ever heard of this?

I think that I can relate it to the cultural and racial stuggles of the 120,000 people of Japanese ancestry that were incarcerated by the United States, 1/2 of them under the age of 18 and 1/2 of them citizens of the united states.

Their culture reveared authority and the were stripped of their civil rights by a government that bowed to war time racism and hysteria.

Even now in retrospect and in view of current events many US citizens are not aware of this historical even because it is not nationally recognized as curriculum in primary or secondary public schools. In the fight for any rights, regardless of the group you will see people in the group that are diametrically opposed to each other. In this case there were 2 distinct groups in the camps, those who questioned what was going on and those who thought that the only way to cope with their injustice was to keep silent.

In the case of Japanese WWII internees from the West Coast segregation proved providential as the 442nd Regimental Combat team comprised of many internees and Japanese Americans from Hawaii broke through stereotypes of all kinds and served the United States with exceptional valour in Europe.

What tore down the walls then will tear the walls down now, people have to stand upon the convictions of Christ and do what they now is right in each situation. This will not only speak to women in leadership, it will speak for anyone who now is commonly and wrongly excluded from dialogues like this one.

Love thy god with all your heart soul and mind. Love thy neighbor as thyself.

That's all. That's enough.

It's a beach ball truth.

What a refreshing discussion! I grew up in the Salvation Army where women have been in leadership since it's inception, so I never questioned women in leadership. But it is true, 'what type of woman are we expected to be?' Yes, I have met many 'jealous' women, and men who felt threatened by my abilities and gifts. But also gracious and supportive men.
As a 'tough-minded' person, I have learnt the sensistive, compassionate approach from my counsellor friends, and how to weep with those who weep. I am known for my direct, incisive speaking and leadership, but also for tears of compassion, tears when sharing my deep convictions, and in prayer and worship. I think that is a helpful model to others, both men and women.
I have always believed that God is expressed more fully through his image in both men and women working together. 'Male and female he created them .... in his image'
We MUST find Jesus' kingdom ways of working together, as an example to marriages and families, and to the world.

I loved this article. The psalms say that the processes of captivity and resistance cause 'iron to enter Joseph's soul' in such a way that he became what he was called to be all along.

We who are called to leadership in the Body of Christ must go through the processes for that iron to enter our soul, without our soul being hardened. It's like steel goes into our backbones to help us stand, and having done all to stand, keep standing.

I have been in senior pastoral leadership for 25 years, leading churches with my husband and now our movement of churches. Finally, i am being received for my own giftings at every level, whereas for a while there, some bits were received and others were received through the filter of my husband. I think I'm a lady, although I hope that doesn't mean a 'ladee...' full of my own dignity. I have kept my sense of fun and transparency but also have an authority that comes from going through the school of hard knocks.

As an ordained woman who has had difficulty in finding a call to pastoral ministry in my evangelical denomination, I have often heard conference superintendents say that it is the women in the church, or the women on the search committee who are most opposed to women as pastors. I'm inclined to believe that there is some validity to that. I am also convinced that as a woman who in some ways "thinks like a man" (stereotypically perceived) that churches (and in reality other workplaces) don't quite know what to do with us. And I appreciate that one woman found chaplaincy as a place where she could be herself--and use her gifts. But if your gifts are preaching, teaching, and administration--chaplaincy feels like only using part of the gifts God has given you.

What a morning to receive the blessing of God answering prayer. This morning in my prayer session with God, I asked how I could see a picture of Jesus in Service. I opened up this conversation and there was Jesus reflected in the women who wrote my feelings in a blog.Today I start looking past the glass ceiling as I call out to Jesus "lead me, guide me for if you lead me I cannot stray." I will not leave this session the way I came. Thank you Iron Ladies and Golden Girls!

As an ex-Pentecostal (if there is such a thing), now Methodist, and an African American woman I continue to struggle to own my voice, walk in my authority, embrace my work as a leader, and stop worrying what people think about me. Situations demand often as a leader that I act firmly and decisively, and I try my best to do just that. But then I question myself afterwards. It never goes away. And perhaps that's a good thing. It keeps me in constant dialogue with myself and with God.

I have been an "iron lady" since... birth. My personality has never lent itself to being the passive, quiet, nonconfrontational, gentle, *nice* girl/woman that Christian society expected me to be. My pastors, Christian school teachers, and peers varied from disapproval to despair about my strength of voice and competence, often above my male peers. But my parents were proud, encouraging, and never expected me to be anything other than what God created me to be. I thank God for that.

But, I sometimes need to be reminded that leadership comes in other forms, too. And that the "nice" women can offer leadership in ways that may be different from mine, but just as valid.

Thank God for all of our gifts, and may he use each of us as he wills.

An ever-permeating question. The truth about cats and dogs. There are more women who are of the gentle, nurturing temperament... these are the majority. Nothing wrong with you and we love ya, baby. Then there are my harder edged, take-no-prisoners, Samuel L Jackson "there's no crying in baseball" minority ladies. I fit this category. (Don't tell me you can hold down a superjob and still pose in playboy, Britney -- no 2 ways about that type of "respect". That I disagree with and always have.)

We can quarrel and quote verses 'til we're blue in the face. This goes for men AND women. It should all boil down to serving where you best fit. Serve where your gifts are. Don't tell the foot to grow a thumb.

Thank you Jesus! The Lord knows this has been a heavy burden on my heart lately.

I too have been slighted for my gifts of prophesy and leadership in my church because I'm a woman. I worked hard last year to help in ministry while the church was undergoing administrative transitions, and we were blessed with increased growth and new families! Now it is becoming clear that I will have to be content with sharing in worship service and the occasional youth group function because all of the new ministry leaders are men; the church elders can only be men; no women take offering, no women serve communion. I know we have women equally qualified and virtuous.

I had come to the conclusion that perhaps this is the place the Lord has sent me because it is a going to be a very supportive place for my husband to grow spiritually. I can just continue to feed myself and watch for the Lord to open doors for service in the community instead...and I was praying that I could live with that. But reading this blog, the Lord answered my prayer...and of course, I was wrong!

I would like to thank you Robyn for stating the obvious...we were born with the hardwiring to be who Jesus intended us to be and to do what Jesus intended us to do. Jer 29:11!

In my eyes, the Holy Spirit is the unifying common denominator between every church and every Christian...male or female. Its the Holy Spirit that employs our God-given gifts to accomplish His will in this world. Not me and not my Senior Pastor! Nor do either have the authority to undermine this perfect system because someone is not comfortable with "gifts" or gender? This is why the Church is so weak; and its breaking my heart.

Im tired of being an "agent of change" in the name of the Lord when I have to spend so much energy fixing the church first. Look at what Jesus had to do to the Temple in order to save its people! Maybe if we dont feel beaten, we arent working hard enough.

So, since Jesus and Paul have already done this work... I should only have to focus on sharing the good news and saving the lost, right? And there are so many lost...and so little time.

How is 'hiding our light' an option? Can we get any more disobedient than not spending our talents for the Master's gain?

Oh, but I do have one question for the blog: Can anyone show me a church that has so many leaders they can afford to turn some away!
Signed,
Third Generation Strong Woman

What I wrestle with is that there is no place for a woman like me in most churches. I have a M.A., I served in public office for 12 years, negotiated union contracts, hired and fired staff, helped supervise a massive building renovation program. Oh, and I also teach at the university level. Instead of churches seeking out women like me (and there are many of us) we have to seek out places where we can use our gifts, which are few. The world had many places for me to serve, but the church doesn't. So I use my gifts in the world for the Lord. It's all His anyway!

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