who we are

Amy Simpson
Amy Simpson

Free Newsletters

on LeadershipJournal.net

« Synergy: The Vision | Main | Synergy 2008 Registration Information »

March 4, 2008

Deferring to God

by by Hillary Prag

It's four o'clock and Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston has just begun visiting hours as Alice Rouse, a 31-year-old outreach worker for Starlight Ministries of the Emmanuel Gospel Center is buzzed through the doors of the ICU. Today her friend Adam began his 17th birthday by shooting China White, the purest form of heroin, and then stringing himself up in the shower with a bed sheet.

Adam is paralyzed with sedatives after a recent attempt to pull out his tubes and IV, but as Alice approaches his bed, he smiles and whispers, "finally." She has brought her guitar and will play "It is Well with My Soul," same as last year when she and Adam were here for the same reason. As she leaves the hospital, she weeps for him, for the familiarity of that stark scene, for the long road of recovery they have in front of them. A week later he's discharged and calls Alice in a rage, "I've been locked up in the hospital for days and will forever hate you for not visiting!" Alice explains that he must not remember, that there were sedatives, but she's making little progress because Adam is already hurt. She hangs up the phone and shrugs.

Watching Alice shrug off a bitter harpooning from someone she loved was perplexing to me as her intern, the new kid on the street. It was my first week on the ground with homeless and street-involved youth in Boston, and I had no gauge for the severity of situations like this. Most of all, I had never known someone confident enough to release a harrowing trauma into the care of God with such ease. I later realized that this nonchalance was not insensitivity, but trust. I also began to recognize my own tendency in ministry to embark on relational safaris to maintain favor with everyone I encounter. A situation like this would have sent me reeling. I had to know: What does Alice have that I don't?

Lately, I find myself among a group of young women professionals in Christian ministry who are viciously - if politely - competing for roles of power and working day and night to build unsurpassable resumes. This population of women operate under the theological premise that their privilege and resource pool requires them to seek opportunities for using their gifts to the fullest capacity. The result is often a success- driven missiology.

However, not once in the seven weeks that I stood beside Alice in ministry, did she move out of a need to set herself apart. I quickly discovered her secret: She defers to the power of God that is moving in the lives of those she loves. She defers rather than turning everything into an emergency where she is the only skilled firefighter. She visits her friends in the hospital but not because they'll thank her afterwards. To an outsider, this may seem like a posture of complacency, but a closer look reveals that it is a posture of deference. I began to ask myself, how much of my daily energy is spent ensuring that I maintain another person's favor and earn an ?A' in this relationship?

This practice of metaphorically bowing her head and opening her hands to the will of God in the midst of tragedy, rejection, overwhelming standards of performance from peers, and incomplete to-do lists is shaping Alice into a woman that stops others dead in their tracks. It's stopping women like myself who come to the table with a list of options for how they can serve and improve their resumes along the way.

I don't believe I'm alone when I explain my desire for a career or ministry that is equal to my ability and resources. In a society where our identity is measured by our contribution, it is much easier to translate our standing with God to our ministry performance, and the posture of deference that Alice exemplifies feels more a contortion than a bowing. But I'm finally beginning to wonder what it would be like to believe that Christ found me complete before I even conceived of the concept of ministry. I'm beginning to wonder how it would feel to join women like Alice who draw their strength from delight rather than insecurity. I'm beginning to wonder how I can find significance within myself rather than in acts of service. I'm looking for ways to consent and release the "Adams" in my life to the care of God and standing back to watch how he tenderly loves them - often without my help.

Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on March 4, 2008 4:01 PM

Comments

Thanks Hill for your fresh and truthful perspective and for your humility to see this in others.

Posted By: Katie | March 4, 2008 6:46 PM

This line really hit me:
"This population of women operate under the theological premise that their privilege and resource pool requires them to seek opportunities for using their gifts to the fullest capacity. The result is often a success- driven missiology."
I am not in missions but sometimes find myself similarly burdened by the content of Jesus' stewardship parable, and also by the truth that "to whom much has been given, much will be expected." While this is true, it should NOT be a burden and should NOT cause insecurity or anxiety. If/as it does, it's because I'm wrongly construing it.
This post is an excellent reminder of this. Thank you.

Posted By: Susan | March 5, 2008 12:33 PM

I love the phrase "posture of deference." I wonder what picture you would use to represent it.

It sounds like Alice was able to defer to God because she is secure (confident enough)in her "identity in Christ" rather than in an identity based on her performance or contribution. She is not success-driven, competing for recognition or acceptance. She's resting in being complete in Christ.

Colossians 2:8-10
"See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ.

For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority."

Philosophy, empty deception and tradition of men will always keep us striving; believing Who we are in Christ and defering to God will bring rest and peace.

Your significance and mine comes from the same place -- not our intelligence, successes or contributions but from the fulness of the Godhead dwelling within being expressed in all of its glory. Wonder no longer -- simply defer.

Posted By: Angela C | March 5, 2008 10:53 PM

This is a reminder for me to focus on my original role! In my church we are just completing a book on men and women original design and distinctives in role and responsibility. The book title is "The Way We Were" by Timothy Winters, NQ Publishing. Thanks for the reminder of how a woman's ministry can really reflect God's glory when she humbly submits to His authority in her life!

Posted By: roberta | March 6, 2008 8:42 AM

Reminded me that giving it up to God is the way I am supposed to react in any situation.

Too many times I want to battle it out when the battle isn't mine. Usually it is when I am trying to get someone to buy into my ideas that I keep harping on them trying to sway them. I need to give it up to God to show us both the correct direction to go. And that takes maturity and trust: "This practice of metaphorically bowing her head and opening her hands to the will of God in the midst of tragedy, rejection, overwhelming standards of performance from peers, and incomplete to-do lists is shaping Alice into a woman that stops others dead in their tracks."

Being transformed!

Posted By: Nancy | March 6, 2008 9:39 AM

Hillary,
Thank you for your post! It was quite timely for me as just yesterday I resigned my staff position at my church. In reflection, I too was becoming one of those women who was trying to be so missional that it was sucking the life out of me. I have discovered that in a deep seated fear of losing the acceptance and affirmation of man (namely, the pastor & other leaders), I completely lost focus of my own calling! I was no longer walking in my gifts and talents but rather, I was pushing myself and doing whatever it took to maintain a position. Yuck!

The Word says "to obey is better than sacrifice" and I was ignoring obedience to that quite voice of God that was trying to tell me to say "no". Instead, I was saying "yes" to anything and everything that would give me opportunity to "sacrifice" and do ministry.

In all honesty, I am fifty years old and just discovering this truth for myself after years in ministry. It is my hope that those who read your post will allow God to speak to them now, when they are younger, and find freedom from this beast of burden for themselves! May we all be committed to being Christlike, when He said "I only do what I see the Father in heaven doing". Then we would be more like Alice.

Posted By: Lu Allison | March 7, 2008 9:01 AM

Lu, I was having a bit of trouble fully grasping what Hillary was saying, but you fleshed it out for me by sharing your experience. Thank you! I suspect this is quite a universal problem, and regardless of age, we all need to learn it. And relearn it, when we fall into the same pattern again. And again.

Posted By: Marilou | March 7, 2008 10:52 AM

I thank my God upon every remembrance of this online magazine. It has afforded me the opportunity of reading and hearing and feeling from other Christian women. And I am affirmed and God confirms my thoughts and feelings and struggles. Many times I am led to pray, to repent, to just stand in awe of our God, for He is truly awesome! Today, God confirmed my thoughts, feelings and struggles. Summed up in this article, is my recent battle of affliction in leadership. God is sovereign. I needed to be reminded of that because I had become impatient, judgmental, angry, mean-- because things were not operating the way I thought they should. I thank my God for His continual ministry to me thru Christianity Today. God Bless!

Posted By: Jackie | March 7, 2008 12:21 PM

Not only is this post dead-on (thank you, Hillary), but all the comments are equally true and refreshing to read. May we always be reminded of this when we find ourselves being too driven. I have found that God always stops me in my tracks when I start to become too focused on my mission, instead of on Him. Wonderful post. I pray that we all have an "Alice" in our lives to serve as a reminder! Or better yet, maybe we can become an "Alice" for someone else.

Posted By: Angela | March 9, 2008 3:18 PM

Hillary,

Sometimes I get tired of the career pastor mindset. It's carried out by deeply spiritual people who love the Lord, but who have lost the context which they began with. Motivation gets skewed and we forget why we are doing what we are doing. God help us. We need you God, to help us to keep You as our main thing. Bev

Posted By: Bev | March 11, 2008 10:13 AM

You go girl!

I think "professionals in Christian ministry who are viciously—if politely—competing for roles of power and working day and night to build unsurpassable resumes" is absolutely true. I have even heard messages on leadership that seem to have this as an underlying theme- encouraging the listeners to continue in this selfish vein.

I started my current ministry role, being focused on the ministry itself. This morning, the Lord showed me that I've been focusing on myself. Hilary's article affirmed that.

Posted By: kara | March 12, 2008 2:08 PM

I am always amazed how God confirms what He is doing. Deferring, forgiving, not letting ministry take your joy is my life this past couple of months. I am not Elijah and have to run into hiding. I just want to serve the Lord.

Posted By: gurban | March 14, 2008 2:06 PM

Post a comment:





Verification (needed to reduce spam):

Tags

see more

resources