Gifted for Leadership

Comments

I am only beginning to be invited into these type of groups. At 50 years old, it's like all of a sudden I'm legitimate, people are beginning to ask me to join them. It's the strangest thing, I'm the same as I have always been, just older, but now people ask my opinion, they want me to write, then invite me in.

I guess you have to 'pay your dues' and prove to them with a 'long endurance in the same direction' that you are worthy to mentor and to be trusted. My marriage of 30 years is something I am asked about often. It is a constant balancing act of excepting more and more leadership responsibilities and remaining dedicated at home. I am more fortunate than I can say, my husband and I are both employed by our church!

I am very happy for you to be invited into such a great group! Enjoy what God has put in front of it, you deserve it! God Bless!

Posted By: Lori Biddle | March 24, 2009 7:36 PM

Congratulations on your new ministry position - what a great opportunity for you! Your reaction to your friend is different than what I would have done, I'm sorry to say. I hope I can remember your story the next time I'm tempted to put someone in her place.

As far as your question, I have a very good friend who dreams as big as I do and believes God has big plans for both of us. I'm so very thankful for her support and belief in our God and in me.

Posted By: Mary | March 24, 2009 8:04 PM

A couple of great places to connect:

For writers: (free online group) http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TWV2

For speakers: She Speaks Conference
http://www.shespeaksconference.com/

For authors who are also speakers - AWSA
http://www.awsawomen.com/

For women in media - Women in Christian Media
http://www.womeninchristianmedia.org/

Do you know of other great professional communities?

Do you find support in your church. I know mine is an amazing source of prayer and support and friendship. : )

Posted By: Suzanne Eller | March 24, 2009 8:47 PM

It is both encouraging and frightening to me to read about your experience and consider your questions. As a young woman beginning to enter into ministry, I know that some tough times lie ahead (as well as some joyful ones!) - I already feel that pressure to justify my calling to other people in the church, mainly because of my gender. I'm thankful for women like you (and like those who commented on this post) who are writing and thinking and discussing these things, because it reminds me that I'm not alone and that truly, truly, God is working.

Posted By: Amanda Holm | March 25, 2009 8:39 AM

As you well know by now, the women at Proverbs 31 Ministries have 3 main passions in life: our personal walk with God, our families, and bringing the transforming power of Christ to the lives of other women. Oh, and chocolate - make that 4 main passions. (smile)

I think you fit right in.

I also think you made a wise move to not try to argue your point with this "dream popper." I'm a big fan of allowing our Heavenly Advocate to handle our defense in such cases. Meanwhile we can pray, seek out supportive relationships, and press forward in faith.

Great discussion topic!

Posted By: Rachel Olsen | March 25, 2009 11:05 PM

If she actually said it to you like that, then the woman you were talking to seriously lacks in tact. I always wonder about the intent of people like that. There are other ways to phrase the concern she may have had.

My husband and I are leaders in the ministry. Our leadership has at times, caused us to be apart. People often do not understand that but it keeps us interesting to one another and challenged.

Over the years my good friends have come to understand this. At this point in my life I go to my oldest and dearest friendships to share. Those who have always known me and expect the best. Those who have seen my edge and can help me predict good and harmful outcomes. Those who accept even when others wonder what I am doing.

Posted By: Brenda | March 26, 2009 9:09 AM

I've been in a writing ministry, publishing and teaching, for years. My husband is an engineer with an 8-5 job, no weekends, rarely overtime. While he has always supported me, both literally and emotionally, he doesn't understand my feeling of calling. To combat the isolation of doing what most people don't understand, I asked a group of women to become my Prayer Board to pray for me and to hold me accountable. These weren't women in any kind of traveling ministry or writing ministry. They were pray-ers. They have been my support for years, and I am more appreciative of them than they will ever know or understand.

Posted By: Gayle Roper | March 26, 2009 9:55 AM

I am always sad when I hear about comments like that. Twenty years ago I would have been intensely defensive about my choices. Now I just would laugh or ignore but would try to do with love and kindness. For some reason, that is her paradigm and I (or you) probably will not change it. I am very passionate about the church being the home for all kinds of women and the acceptance of all who follow Jesus.
I work full time in a challenging but very fulfilling career where my mission is to bring Jesus to the world Monday-Friday-where unbelievers live and work (since they really do live or work in the church-do they?) I occsionally travel and could write about the amazing things that happen between my daughter and my husband while I am gone.
Our God is a big big God who has lots of plans and strategies for his church and we all are a part of it. Let's be strong together.

Posted By: trisha | March 26, 2009 2:35 PM

At our last women's retreat, I realized something about the kind of woman who made this comment to you. We broke into smaller groups and had a get-to-know-you exercise that asked, "What is your dream job?" Almost everyone in the group said that no job was their dream job. They loved being home and wanted to keep it that way. I talked to one woman about that later, and she said that hearing other Christian women talk about their jobs scared her, because she loved being home so much. It terrified her to think about having to leave that. I thought it was interesting, since being home all the time terrifies me! Anyway, it's helped me with comments like that because I realize how differently we all are.

Posted By: JoHannah | March 27, 2009 9:43 AM

I think there are several powerful forces at play when talking about womens' roles. Society, mostly through the media, has encouraged women to do their own thing, go for the gusto, you can have it all. Church has tried to balance that message with the teaching that our first priority is God and second is family. They have also tried to open our eyes to the truth that we really cannot have it all. There is just not enough time or energy. So we have two opposing forces pulling us in two opposite directions.

Add in another factor - fear. With all the mixed messages we hear we try to establish a balance of what we think God expects of us. The women who have to work outside the home and have small children feel guilty while at work and feel guilty when they get home. They know they need some sort of ministry so that gets sqeezed in between soccer and piano lessons. Ultimately, all of us make a choice and settle into a balance that makes the most sense to us. But what if we are wrong? After all, Susie does this and Annie said that - what if we got it all wrong?

In the end, after all the deliberating, maneuvering, changing of minds, and feelings of guilt, there is only one place to go for a sense of calm. We must seek after Christ and be committed to a life style that draws us closer to Him and not a religion that keeps us busy enough to think we are okay just the way we are. Truly, if we seek Him first, all these other things will fall into place. Then, when someone challenges our ideas of family, work or ministry, we can confidently smile and encourage them to do the same.

Posted By: Cindy | March 27, 2009 10:06 AM

Nice post, Suzie!

Posted By: Abby | March 27, 2009 11:17 AM

Suzanne: Years ago when I was asked as a young Mom to be a Teaching Leader in Bible Study Fellowship, a friend said the same kind of thing: won't you be neglecting your family. Fortunately, I just knew the Lord had opened this door (how else would it have happened?) and went forward. I was scared, too immature for the ministry,
BUT God... Now, twenty years after leaving BSF I see it as my education in the Word and in knowing God's reality--it also opened doors to the many opportunities God has given to speak/write/and encourage women here and overseas. We do need to take into account our personal circumstances, energy level, stressors, etc. but God has called us and we dare not say no! BTW, being in AWSA has provided what I didn't have--a support group of like-called and like-minded sisters. I love it!

Posted By: Poppy Smith | March 27, 2009 11:46 AM

Great comments. Many of you said it best. We are all different. And sometimes those differences cause us to forget what we have on common: love for Christ; love for our families; a desire to run after Christ. My greatest calling is to follow Jesus daily -- as a woman, as a mom, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend. I love the person who made the comment, still do. That's what made it tougher. But ultimately it is God, and my family, whose opinion matters. It's not my job to try to make anyone else see things my way. But I'm grateful that we can talk about it in a forum like this.

Posted By: Suzanne Eller | March 27, 2009 1:43 PM

I'm 27,a new mom to a 3 month old, and about to graduate with my M.Ed in April. Many people gave me "flack" for desiring to finish my M.Ed right after I gave birth. My family was very supportive, and now everyone sees that I made the right decision. If anyone knows of a good networking site or blog that I can connect with, I'd be appreciative!!

Posted By: Carrie Flynn | March 28, 2009 9:09 AM

As a woman and a leader, my opinion is that the hurting world needs us too much to allow 50% of the entire Christian populuation to be made ineffective.

That is what continued focus on the role-level responsibilities we fill rather than responding to calling does to women.

And we do not do that to men! Who questions a man's work in terms of whether he will still be able to be a good husband and father?

Men or women are not born to fill a role as the sole definition of their contribution. We are born to become and to live out the individual gifting and calling God designs for us.

There is neither male nor female in Christ and we are called to action. The Great Commission -- showing faith, hope and love in action in the world -- was not just given to the guys. It was given to us as Equal Heirs, and we are equally responsible.

So, whatever God calls you to do and to be --please keep your eyes on God. There will be plenty in the world that will seek to diminish your contribution. Sadly, some of it may be intentionally or unintentionally from believers.

As women, we need to encourage one another to think about what those types of limiting comments actually do within us and to others.

If we do not elevate one another, we harm ourselves as well as people who desperately need to know God that may not be reached as a result of the discouragement sown into a woman's heart.

Our words have the power to bless. We should use them constantly to bless and elevate others to make their best contribution.

Blessings to you all, and Go Bless Others! Especially your Sisters -- the world holds us back enough that we don't need to do it to one another!

Denise Hurst
denisehurst@hurststrategic.com

Posted By: Denise Hurst | March 29, 2009 1:38 PM

Thanks for sharing this article. So often, us women in ministry feel alone. I am a licensed pastor with Foursquare, and in my late 20's. My husband and I were recently appointed as the Senior Pastor and Co-Pastor of a church. It's been a wonderful season, with many ups and downs. I am 100% confident in the calling placed on my life. I know that I am called to ministry and am excited that God has placed me where He wants to use me. Yet I have so many factors against me in the eyes of those I'm called to lead. Not only am I a women, which many in this specific church have never seen a woman in ministry; but I am more specifically a young woman in their eyes.

The great motivation for me is that God has called me here, and my husband is my biggest cheerleader. I am so blessed to have a husband that partners with me in ministry and desires to see me move in all that God has called me to. I'm looking for support from other women in ministry, though I personally know very few. So blogs like this are a great source of strength and encouragement for me.

Thank you for sharing your story. It's great to know other women out there experience the same opposition I do in ministry, and are overcoming!

Posted By: Rebecca | April 3, 2009 1:45 PM

Thank you so much for this! My husband and I have been married almost 4 years and have 3 children. For the past 2 years we've been feeling called into ministry. I've struggled with this decision even after registering for classes to persue a degree. I often wonder if this is the right choice for our marriage and family. Thanks so much for the encouragement!

Posted By: Jen Payne | April 3, 2009 2:28 PM

This is an incredible post, Suzanne. I've experienced several of the same things that women posted: from feeling misunderstood and judged for pursuing a ministry calling, to having women pray for me "because I must be tired and missing my home and children."

The Synergy conference this year was like a deep breath for me. Wow! There are other women out there who love their husbands and children AND have a passionate call to ministry. Amen for that!

Posted By: Nicole Unice | May 7, 2009 4:29 PM

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