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August 28, 2009

No Doubt?

by by Kelli Trujillo

When do we stop being spiritual seekers? Certainly, through a faith commitment to Jesus, we move from the theological category “lost” to the category “found.” But does the seeking ever truly end? Should it?

I’ve often heard it said that Job was a hero because, though he suffered greatly, he never questioned God. Oh really? I wonder if people who say this have ever actually read some of the things Job said out of his anguish. Have they read his expressions of agony, his wrestling, his frustration, his sense that God was not even listening? The message of the book of Job certainly isn’t “never question God.” For me personally, one of the strongest messages of the book of Job and its inclusion in the canon of Scripture is the brutally honest acknowledgement that confusion—serious, painful confusion … and suffering … and questioning … and doubt … and inner turmoil—are part of the human experience. They are part of any human’s relationship with God. There are moments of confusion and darkness for all of us.

Yet there’s an implicit expectation in the church that Christian leaders are to be somehow immune to this. Pastors, missionaries, parachurch workers, Bible study leaders—they certainly never have doubts, right? And if, for some strange reason they did have doubts, they absolutely should never mention them to anyone.

I have noticed one exception to this general rule.

I’ve occasionally heard brave and honest men and women share publicly about times of doubt in their lives—but it has always, without exception, been after the fact. In other words, once you’ve made it through a time of spiritual difficulty or theological wrestling, then (and only then) is it okay to talk about it.

Have you ever heard a pastor or ministry leader stand up and say, “Right now my spiritual life is a mess. Right now I’m really wrestling with some logical/ethical/spiritual/Scriptural issue, and I’m not sure where I’ll land. Right now I feel like God has abandoned me. Right now I’m waiting for proof/an answer/comfort/satisfaction.”

I never have. After all, it’d be quite dangerous. It could possibly even be contagious! It could lead non-Christians to think this life with Jesus isn’t all its cracked up to be. It could lead immature Christians to give up their faith. And it certainly would lead some in the church to question that person’s qualifications for leadership.

So what’s a leader to do when she has doubts? When she’s wrestling inside, unsatisfied with some Christian idea and in the process of teasing out the issues with God? Or when she’s knocking on God’s door and not getting an answer? Should she just hide out in a closet until she’s somehow made it through (alone) and has got a great testimony to share?

Poor Thomas got labeled a doubter throughout the rest of human history because he voiced his (reasonable) disbelief that Jesus had actually risen from the dead. But we must take note: Thomas was not reprimanded by Jesus for his declaration. In fact, Jesus willingly gave Thomas the proof he needed. Jesus satisfied Thomas’s questions, and the result was Thomas’s life-altering declaration, “My Lord and my God!” (John 20:28).

Thomas’s authenticity is a powerful example that strikes a blow at the dangerous idea that Christian leaders should never express doubt. His expression of doubt led to a commitment of lordship that gave Thomas the courage to later travel throughout India and possibly Persia with the Gospel, eventually being martyred for his unswerving faith.

What can we learn from Thomas or from Job? Though we must take seriously the danger of sharing doubts or questions in a way that could hurt the faith of others, we must also aim to be authentic about our experience as a Christian and human being. Leaders who keep their human frailty completely hidden away are fakes. Though they may inspire others by their public example, they aren’t really showing what it means to be a human being with faith in Jesus. Sometimes faith really is as small as a mustard seed—or even much, much smaller! Sometimes faith is microscopic. Sometimes faith feels weak and tiny, and like it’s barely hanging on. Leaders who hide this reality away inevitably hurt others by presenting a distorted picture of the Christian life.

I don’t know the answer to this dilemma, other than seeing the dangers of both extremes. Broadcasting doubts and spiritual problems for all to hear certainly isn’t wise nor is it caring toward those of tender faith whom you’re nurturing. But hiding away all spiritual struggle and wearing a “mature-Christians-never-doubt” façade is just as dangerous. It presents a false faith to those we minister to—an inhuman, unreal faith.

When you face doubts, struggles, or are unsure where you land on big theological issues, do you speak openly about your questions? If so, what’s been the result? Do you feel the freedom, as a Christian leader, to be real about your struggles? Or do you feel the pressure to hide them away? Who’s a leader to turn to in order to express spiritual struggles? I’d love to hear your own thoughts and experiences.

Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on August 28, 2009 9:07 PM

Related Tags: failure, faith, Fear, lay leaders

Comments

The first thing that came to my mind when reading this was, yes I have heard a pastor share his experience of confusion and darkness while he was in the midst of it. And no I did not think it was a detrimental thing. Greg Boyd preached from his dark night on July 4, 2004. It was encouraging to me to hear someone open up about such a personal experience and to see him come out of it again. Here is a link to that sermon: http://www.whchurch.org/content/page_274.htm

As for myself, I admit that I don't deal with doubts and struggles very well. I was brought up in a culture that said put on a happy face and I learned how to do that very well. After a serious bout of depression, I became too transparent in a way that didn't help anybody.

Today, my honesty has been refreshing to many. Postpartum, I have blogged about my struggles with weight, anxiety, and depression. The response has been overwhelmingly positive as friends of mine have found someone they can relate to. I am careful not to reveal too much for my own protection, but I have found that after I share my struggles others share theirs. There is much comfort in that. It helps me keep the faith.

Posted By: Leah | August 29, 2009 12:30 AM

Thanks, Karen, for this article. I have heard people--leaders--share their struggles with faith/doubt/pain/loss...even in the midst of it. That has happened more in the past 20 years than it ever did in earlier years. In my younger years the thought was to "share your victories."

God gave me the gift of a prodigal child, and the vulnerability to share that pain and confusion and journey with others. The result has been loving help and encouragement for me and loving help and encouragement for others walking through a similar struggle.

Posted By: judy | August 29, 2009 6:54 AM

John ortberg's book Faith & Doubt is a great book on this topic. He debunks the whole "I used to doubt but now I'm over that" thing by saying faith and doubt often co-exist in our heart at the same time.
I am not a pastor but I do a lot of speaking and I often feel this thing from people who expect me to be perfect. When I'm just honest, though, they say, "You're so real!" as if they hadn't really expected that from a Christian leader. I can't help thinking that authenticity shouldn't feel so unusual.

Posted By: Keri Wyatt Kent | August 29, 2009 9:35 AM

Besides God, we all need spiritual friends we trust in times of struggle. And we all need to understand that "leaders" are humans who need to continue their growth in Christ, together with other believers. When we have brought too much of the secular notion of "leadership" into the church, leaders and followers will fall into the trap of making leaders idols!

Posted By: Helen | August 29, 2009 10:05 AM

Within the past couple of months, I heard a pastor say he was in the middle of some stuff with God that he'd be ready to share in a little while. At that time, it was too raw for him to share, he said.

I still have no idea what it was, but I so appreciated his saying it. I thought it was a good way to handle it too. Some people may have been scared by it (as sometimes being vague DOES let people's imaginations wander....), but I thought it was great. It was a great way of sharing that he too wrestles and isn't always thrilled with God.

It was great to hear--especially as I was/am in the midst of my own wrestling match.

Posted By: Caryn | August 30, 2009 9:55 AM

Thank you for a great post. This is something we all have to wrestle with as we seek to balance authenticity with leadership. My husband just wrote a blog expressing this transparency. (http://navigationuncharted.wordpress.com/2009/08/31/mirgraine-a-source-of-good/) I think that when one is thoughtfully authentic, it does those around you (including those you lead) a world of good.

Posted By: Christie | August 31, 2009 2:33 PM

Thank you so much for the wonderful article. I believe for the church to be effective we need to be real with people. When people hear of our doubt experiences and our wresling with God it would most probably encourage them as they get to understand that they are not alone and they start viewing God as a friend whom they can be open with.

thank you soo much for the wonderful article again.

Posted By: carol | September 1, 2009 7:54 AM

It's oh-so-fashionable to say that Christians have doubts and should consider expressing them. Doubts are only the sign of deficient faith. The author calls Thomas's doubt 'reasonable,' and this is the voice of worldly thinking, not Christianity. The genuine Christian should have no doubts; God didn't leave room for this. Worldly thinkers can have doubts, but those who have received God's gift of grace are not so limited. As the minister of my home-town church said, when I was a boy, "If the Bible said Jonah swallowed the whale, I'd believe it."

Posted By: Jim | September 1, 2009 8:37 PM

I found this article refreshing and encouraging. For myself, if I feel I'm not staying in touch with the Lord through thought, prayer and reading scripture, then I immediately make attempts to rectify that by pressing in.
Fortunately for us, the Lord will never leave us or forsake us and the Holy Spirit is always present to lead, guide and instruct us, even if we experience any smidgens or brief moments of doubt.
I thought that this article addresses that which many people go through. May God Bless and continue to strengthen us.

Posted By: hope | September 1, 2009 9:38 PM

This is a great point to make. Leaders, after all, are still human...whether pastor, deacon, or nursery director. We all falter, but it's been a slippery slope when doubt enters our hearts...I'm not supposed to have doubt am I?...Why am I doubting, isn't God there?...Can I really question God?

I truly believe that our God is One who is not only able but very willing to accept our questions, and He wants us to remain in conversation with Him even when we doubt. As far as what we do with doubt...as leaders? We need to open up to other leaders, whether they are peers in our spiritual walk, prayer partners, our pastor, and our pastors need to have mentors and peers they can go to as well. We need to build each other up and carry each other through times of trial and question.

Posted By: Kim | September 2, 2009 9:00 AM

Re your statements in these paragraphs:

"Have you ever heard a pastor or ministry leader stand up and say, “Right now my spiritual life is a mess. Right now I’m really wrestling with some logical/ethical/spiritual/Scriptural issue, and I’m not sure where I’ll land[...]

I never have. After all, it’d be quite dangerous. It could possibly even be contagious![...]"

There are many things I doubt, and many things I am unsure of. But this statement, I am SURE, is patently false. It is exactly the insincerity of believers, particularly Christian leaders, that turn off millions of agnostic seekers to the possibility of trusting Jesus, because they see a picture of someone who is always confident and never doubts... something that THEY KNOW they can never be. Why? Because it's dishonest.

Read David Dark's "Sacredness of Questioning Everything." The leaders I trust are transparent. End of story.

Posted By: Patrick Gann | September 2, 2009 9:30 AM

Our co-pastors have a habit of bringing her/his problems in the congregation. We have to reprimand said pastors to tell us first the problems so that we can help & pray for them. How great should be the impact to the congregations especially to the new comers if these were not remedied. Leaders should help each other & pray for each other. Of course, we need also the prayers of our church. God is a God of order & He will solve the doubts. Godbless.

Posted By: andy padolina | September 2, 2009 9:11 PM

Until and unless one knows and shares the immortality of Jesus Christ, through firsthand and personal vision, based on "a clear description of his death on the cross" (that's what the gospel is all about), one will always doubt!

Posted By: Ephrem Hagos | September 4, 2009 11:53 PM

Please complete my comment with the following sentence. Doubt is an expression of spurious faith as distinct from sustainable, Biblical faith!

Posted By: Ephrem Hagos | September 5, 2009 12:05 AM

Doubt is an essential flip-side to faith. If you never have any doubts or questions, what you have is not faith - it's a naive avoidance of reality that may one day rear up to bite you.

Posted By: Barry | September 6, 2009 5:36 AM

Until and unless one knows and shares the immortality of Jesus Christ, through firsthand and personal vision, based on "a clear description of his death on the cross", one will always doubt!

Posted By: naturheilkunde | October 5, 2009 6:26 AM

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