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January 20, 2010

Modern Mentorship

by by Nicole Unice

My cell phone buzzes while I fix my kids lunch:

“omg my prof is telling us bout why Christians are judgmentl and there are many paths to God should I say something?? pls pray for me to b bold”

This is a text message I received from one of my favorite people: a bright-eyed, skinny-jean-wearing college senior named Jes. I think of her as my babysitter. I recently learned through a friend that she thinks of me as her “number one mentor.”

This is modern mentorship?

I met Jessica 18 months ago while volunteering at a youth event. Her spunky personality and natural affection for teenagers reminded me of myself at her age. We small-talked and joked around. We programmed numbers into each other’s phones. She needed some extra cash, she told me, and loves kids.

The next week, she started babysitting for me. I began to notice something a little different about Jes. She always came early and stayed late. We lingered over cups of tea and cookies she bakes with the kids, talking about marriage, ministry, and what hair cuts work with our face shapes.

Jes walks in the door without knocking now. We talk sometimes for an entire hour, while the kids play around us or I start dinner. We talk theology and boyfriends. We talk about family, and faith, and the future. I give her books. She sends me texts.

This is modern mentorship.

Dictionary.com tells me that a mentor is a ”wise and trusted teacher.” At 32, describing myself as ‘wise and trusted’ seems as appropriate as the girls’ dresses on the Bachelor. But maybe that’s OK. Maybe it’s OK that I don’t think of myself as particularly wise, but I do think of myself as just a few steps further down the road than Jessica. Someone who can relate, but isn’t in the trenches with her. Someone who knows that one woman believing in me is priceless. I want to pass that on.

I recently conducted a very (un)official Facebook survey. Young women in their twenties overwhelming voted that a mentor in their life is someone “who offers consistent encouragement.” Spiritual Direction was a close second, with career direction a distant third. Interestingly enough, young women ranked the need for “face-to-face” interaction as relatively unimportant, saying email, texts, and Skype were good substitutes. Surely not a reliable study, but the results caught my attention.

Perhaps mentorship has to move beyond structured systems and canned questions. What might modern mentorship look like? Maybe it springs out of natural relationships. It’s not very organized but it’s real. To use a Christian-y catch phrase, maybe modern mentorship truly is “life-on-life discipleship.”

The Great Commission of Matthew 28:19 calls us to “go and make disciples of all nations.” Only intentional thought and prayer will help me to understand this commission on my life and places of influence. I believe that making disciples involves the “as you go” about our daily life discipleship, as well as the intentional “going” to the far corners of the earth. I want to take that seriously.

Today, Jes arrived, early again. She plopped down her bag while my two-year-old bowled her over in a hug. She plopped down her bag, picked up my son, and sighed, my toddler hanging off her hip. “All my friends are off in the real world doing internships this break.” I looked at her and laughed, “You don’t get any more real world than this, baby!”

What do you think? What does mentorship look like for today’s young women? How do we, as leaders, look behind us for the women that will shape tomorrow? Join the conversation. Join me—and Jessica—at GFL's Synergy Conference in Orlando, March 5-7.

Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on January 20, 2010 5:15 PM

Comments

Im involved in a women's ministry, where I travel a lot in my country. When I am home, I help with councilling women who comes out for prayer after the morning service.
It's amazing to see how women appreciate the way you give them advice regarding certain issues and then ask for my mobile no.
Through this I have two women in our assembly who is contacting me from time to time for advice. They see me as their mentor.
But, the most wonderful was when I was online on Facebook the other day and a girl, whom I dont really know, but she attended a morning service where I was the speaker, came on the chat box, asking me for prayer. Now, can you imagine yourself praying for somebody over fb, by typing in a prayer on the chat box. When I was finished the appreciation this girl showed, was amazing. Then she asked me if I am willing to be a mentor for her when she need advice.
Well, praise God, if we can reach the nations by mentoring through Facebook, why not!!

Posted By: Nerina Smith South Africa | January 23, 2010 10:04 AM

Couldn't agree more Nicole!

Posted By: Annon | January 24, 2010 12:17 AM

This generation needs mentors. The young people today are crying out for people to guide them in life's highway.

I am a recipient of a powerful mentorship from an amazing woman who is fourteen years older than I. It is a blessing to have someone who can usher us into the destiny God has so prepared for us.

Blessings to you Nicole. Share your light to others and we can truly change this world for God's glory!

Posted By: Jaja | January 24, 2010 10:32 PM

I agree totally girly. Women today need guidance and mentorship and most of us barely have true relationships to lean on with friends and family much less a mentor to guide us through those trenches. There is no better way to reach a women than to start early in her life. You are an amazing woman and the young and older women of this world are blessed to have your leadership.

Posted By: Amy | January 25, 2010 9:30 AM

Nicole, I'm so happy to know that Jessica has you to play this important role in her life. She is such a beautiful person all around and we are all so proud of the woman that she has blossomed into. She has the potential to do great things and influence many other young people that she meets. It's so important for her to have someone to encourage her and guide her along the way. Her mother has played this role throughout my life and her influence has been invaluable.
Thank you for sharing your experience as a modern mentor!

Posted By: Gina Gilbert | January 25, 2010 10:12 AM

The comment Jes made about her friends being off in the "real" world is all too familiar....and It's actually something that I've been thinking about. Why is it that we, as a people, fell like we have got to be moving 100 miles per hour, or DOING things like other people in order to be effective? Hmm.. Just a Q that I'm marinating in..

I Know that women (young and old) crave REALationships. Nothing that's so intentional it's almost robotic, but something REAL. A mentoree wants to be mentored by a real person, not someone that's always "seeming" so perfect with no struggles of her own. It's a two way street....

Posted By: Gloria | January 25, 2010 1:59 PM

Methods of communication do change over time, but one thing that never changes is the need for face-to-face human contact. Social networks and modern communication technology provides alternatives, but this is only a good thing as long as it doesn't become a substitute for face-to-face contact. When time permits, women should make time to be with the one they are mentoring. We shouldn't be too busy in life to meet up with someone in person. Anyhow, it's great that people are open to new styles of communicating with younger and older generations!

Posted By: Alberta | January 25, 2010 10:18 PM

Nicole, thank you for sharing about mentoring. This great need exists, and always will until Jesus comes. I also thank the other ladies for sharing too. I was blessed with an e-mail from a young man, who saw my profile on facebook, and asked me to pray for him. We eventually talked on chat, and I led him to make a recommitment of himself to the Lord, and we are still in touch. He is doing well, and has found a Bible-believing church. To God be the praise, for using the internet to touch lives for His glory. God bless everyone, and any new reader, as He is pleased to do. Abigail

Posted By: Abigail Taylor | January 28, 2010 6:14 PM

Mentoring as you described it is akin to coaching, Christian life coaching to be exact. It is the mose powerful way that we can help someone else fulfill their God-given vision.

Posted By: Dr. Bush | February 2, 2010 11:48 PM

I am praying for mentorship. I go to a mega-church and it is rather hard to find that. (I am also trying to find a smaller church!) If anyone reads this, could you please pray that God will lead me to the right person(s)?

Thanks!

Posted By: Andrea Polk | March 17, 2010 1:10 PM

God bless and goodmorning,
I am in need of a mentor, God has called me into the ministry.i WOULD APPRECIATE THE HELP. I am looking for a powerful strong woman of God to help me.
thank you, mrs. Evans

Posted By: Melissa | May 22, 2010 6:22 AM

Hi Nicole,

Couldn't agree with your post more. Being a mentor has its flexibility if only you choose to accept it. I was fortunate enough to have great mentors who always knew when it was appropriate to encourage me to find my own solutions.

Posted By: Kali Power | October 29, 2010 3:42 AM

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