Gifted for Leadership: A Woman's Voice

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March 2, 2010

A Woman's Voice

by by Suanne Camfield

Voice. It’s one of our favorite buzz words.

Unique, fresh, distinct, moving, authentic, powerful, smart. All words used to describe the kinds of voices to which we are drawn—the voices who end up stacked on our nightstands and streaming through our iPods. GFL was created by and for leaders whose pulse quicken at the actualization of leaders who find and use their (unique, fresh, distinct, moving, authentic, powerfully smart) voices to impact the world for Christ.

My resounding Amen to that statement, however, has become complicated by an increasing awareness of how gender affects the voices we—both men and women—are willing to cuddle up with late at night or sweat to for miles on the treadmill. Do our choices reflect an attachment of gender-based value to the voice or do men and women simply filter voices differently because we are made differently? Genetic hard-wiring compounded by church background, family history and cultural influence have left me scratching my head: Is it possible to listen well despite our gender differences? And is it more difficult for a man to listen well to a woman?

Now, obviously, some voices are for women by women; just like others are for men by men. Books, for example, whose titles and jacket designs are skewed so much in one chromosomal direction that the opposite sex was never intended to throw them a second glance. But what about voices who speak of the gender-neutral things of God – things like spiritual formation, leadership, the character of God or living a life of faith? Are our listening ears held hostage by a mixture of cultural conditioning and DNA that causes us to both choose and listen selectively?

For centuries, women have sat under male teachers, leaders and pastors with little thought of the fact that they are, well, men. But for the first real cultural period in modern history, women’s voices are being touted both more frequently and in venues where their reverberations have scarcely been heard before. Nowhere is this more true than in the Church. And while some will openly oppose the female voice for theological reasons (and others embrace it for the same reason), I would argue that the majority of us, men in particular, have a response that’s more subliminal, undefined —a subconscious squirming when the voice we’re listening to is not the one we’ve been conditioned to hear, and it’s talking about things we’ve not been conditioned to hear it talk about.

When I’ve questioned my male counterparts on the subject, a few have dismissed it as a non-issue, but several—men full of godly character and integrity—have admitted their difficulty with hearing the feminine voice. In one conversation, a pastor actually blurted out, “I mean, come on. What man can really listen to a woman?”

They cited several reasons:

Tone: They literally hear a woman’s voice differently. High-pitched, sing-songy, whiny, shrill and forced are adjectives used to describe it.

Words: The stories women share and the words we use to share them are not as universal. Women emote. Women connect. Women cry. Women feminize. A story about motherhood, for example, often falls short to resonate. The barrier seems to be broken down, however, when a woman can muster up a little testosterone and sound more like a man.

Authority: The women’s movement has devalued male leadership, leaving them to feel emasculated (a phenomenon John Eldridge and others have well documented). Men instinctually respond by shutting out the feminine voice.

Now, before you come through your screen at me or at them, hear me on this: I’m not saying any of these instincts are right. And I don’t think the men I’ve spoken to are either. But to acknowledge the reality of the struggle—gut-level resistance warring against the undeniable truth of God’s image bearers as equally male and female —is worth the hard conversation. It forces us to stop and ask ourselves if we truly value the voices we listen to—both because of and despite of their gender—or if we miss God-honoring wisdom because we can’t see past the gender gap.

As leaders, engaging the reality of the tension makes us more aware of who we’re communicating to and how we’re communicating. It expands our perspective and helps us to see life through another’s lens. And ultimately, it strengthens our call, both male and female, to offer our unique voices as a pleasing and honorable sound to the One by whom they were created.

Comments

There is a huge difference between the voices of men and women, and there is a wide range of tones, etc., within each gender.
Personally, I find I do not listen as attentively to a woman Preacher. I tend to drift away often. To a woman Teacher, however, one who conducts a seminar or a special conference speaker, I find no problem being attentive. But to a woman Preacher, no way. I don't know why. I am a woman.

I do college ministry and so do a fair share of preaching and teaching (I'm a woman) and one day one of our male leaders said about a woman preacher he recently heard: "And she was actually intelligent".

He sort of realized what he said immediately and apologized profusely - but I am afraid his viewpoint reflects what is at the heart of many people: they don't expect to be changed, challenged or engaged spiritually by a woman preacher. They expect someone lacking in logic and authority.

This really troubles me and one of my ministry goals is to preach and teach in ways that are reflective of the Holy Spirit, authoritative and life-changing.

Today a friend of mine graced me with this compliment: "I think your teaching stands outside of gender. A room of men could listen to you as easily as a room of women."

What went through my head: "but you are a woman. I wonder what men would really think."

And that makes me sad, and a little confused. When I teach on completely gender-nuetral topics, should my voice only be heard by women? I don't know that answer, and I also can't tease out why I care so much. There's certainly enough women to teach too without ever stepping into the Sunday morning slot. So is it the Spirit? Or stubbornness? And I have a feeling this question isn't going away! Thanks for a thought-provoking post.

I've been preaching weekly for about 15 years, and currently pastor a church in the midwest. I try to look for illustrations and language that will capture the interest of male listeners. But I NEVER try to sound like a man, or pretend I am well-informed about things like football and hunting (both very big in our community). My womanhood is one of the things that makes me the messenger God has chosen for this time and this congregation. I can look out from the pulpit and generally see which men (and women) are not listening or not connecting with my sermon. I make a special effort to develop a relationship with those persons at other times, at that seems to help.

As a co-author of a book intended for both men and women, I find it sad that men regularly, unashamedly and boldly dismiss the value of the content and experience it holds because of what they see as a feminine feel to the book. Some of them have the full expectation that we should 'fix' it. We've taken the feedback and decided that we cannot afford to 'fix' it for men at this time. God keeps opening doors to minister to women and we'll walk through them joyfully.

I can't help but feel that we are all missing out on what men and women add to the community experience that is shared when people engage these kinds of experiences together.

Much of our work is about helping people find and live their 'true selves' as God intends. So, it makes me sad when I and other women I know feel the need to edit their 'voice and words' to avoid having men tune us out. It results in a less authentic expression of who we are.

Thanks for writing a description of the condition in which we live.

Sharon Swing www.oneLifemaps.com

Excellent piece. (I always love your stuff). While it is true that some folks wouldn't listen even if you get their attention first with a tractor horn, I live by the rule that it is never the audience's fault for not understanding (or listening to) what we say. To be effective communicators, we MUST speak in the language and style that people hear in. Was this not at least one of the lessons from Mars Hill? Of course, this doesn't mean doing what we can't do, or being what we aren't, but it is, IMO, a form of laziness (or insecurity?) to not work at finding that language. Men to women and women to men. I think women too often unnecessarily throw in the towel on this one.

Thank you Suanne for this envaluable reminder of "our unique voices as a pleasing and honorable sound to the One by whom they were created." May the grace of God be sufficient enough for all who love Him, men and women, to win the battle with our Lord together!

As a husband of a dynamic woman teacher and sitting with this dilemma for years (women's role or voice in the church), there is one thing to consider--and this no way leans to any one side of this issue. As the Church, we are called to unity...in fact our unity will reflect Christ to the world (John 17). All to often we push the limits or force an issue in the name of progress, but against the unity of the church--or at least a local church.

The question I continually finding myself asking when I get to these crossroads is this, "What does love call me to do--or conclude?" We can argue what is "black and white" or "gray" from Scripture all day (and start new denominations over it sadly, but in the end, we are called to live in unity and at peace--especially within the church. Where grace affords the woman to teach--go for it. Where it is more damaging and edifying--then rest in love more than "right."

Tradition from ages past has been slow in transitioning women into positions of preaching and teaching. As a result many have resolved that women do not have the tools to communicate effectively and to say much that is revelatory in wisdom and knowledge. I think really though that there is a Spirit that has blinded the hearts and minds of many to discount those that are female. Those that have risen however in great power and anointing that we know of today have had to go through much sifting, adversity, and have had to continually determine to get back up when setbacks occur. That is why in this hour we are living in, God will delight to use women that are after His heart and steadfast in their mission. All of our ears will need to be cleaned out to hear the Word of the Lord through both male and female instruments. I believe the acid test from God is can He trust one with the anointing and power to speak and do all commanded without gaining any credit for His results. These last days as the evil of this world intensifies so too does God's Divine purpose in using those that seem least likely. I do not want to miss out in tuning in to both men and women as they speak forth the Word; I want to take in my Spiritual nourishment from whatever "glass" He chooses me to drink from. I too pray that I will be wise and discerning as all that glitters is not gold.

Your comments have been some of the most thoughtful and insightful I've received on this topic. Wish I had thought of some of them first! Nicole and Jennifer - your experiences are EXACTLY the kind of thing I'm talking about. What I really love as I continue to wrestle with this is this: I don't have the solution, but I find encouragement in the fact that we (at least the 9 of us here, although I'm hopeful it represents a larger segment of believers)admit the tension, are seeking to understand more than to be understood, and, most importantly, recognize that God's honor comes before our own. Thanks for sharing your unique voice with me. I've learned something from each one of you. Keep up the great work!

Thank you for this thoughtful article. As a woman leader of a large organization who is only lately beginning to do much speaking, I have been struggling with my own awareness of this issue. At first, I thought it was about my style...and decided I should only speak to women. But now I am really working at finding a style of delivery that crosses the gender divide.
It's sad, though. I also have spoken professionally for non christian organizations and never seemed to have this problem.

I'm resonating with Sylvia's last comment. I am an organization development consultant by trade, and I also communicate in Christian circles. My clients outside of the Christian community have not discounted my female voice. I've been hired to train company executives leadership skills and teach and write on numerous business topics. It is only inside the church or Christian organizations where this seems to be an issue anymore.

Are we just that far behind the curve in the church? What do you think?

I'm bothered that you say "Men instinctually respond by shutting out the female voice". First of all, I don't see any resources cited on this and secondly, I'm upset that you're using a stereotype on a Christian website. It's not right, it's not fair, and it's feminist. Don't lie to these women and make them feel like men see them as useless and annoying.

Christian men listen to women. I listen to women. Don't generalize us because of what one pastor said, and don't make these Christian ladies feel like their voice is worthless in the eyes of men.

I listened to what you have to say and, as a guy, I must respectfully disagree with the content of this article. I don't believe feminism is a part of the Christian religion.

...no, I'm not a misogynist, I just think it's wrong of you to spread a feminist worldview on a Christian website.

It appears to me to be a cultural issue - something learned.

Here are a couple of quotes from Christian teachers/preachers of past centuries:

"... you heard His voice, which spake so sweetly with the turtle-notes of love; and now on the sea, or even in the sea..."
"He, as a Father, takes pleasure in the lispings of His own babes, the stammerings of His newborn sons and daughters. Should we not delight in prayer since the Lord delights in it?" -Spurgeon

"It is disastrous to suppose that the Church does not know God as He is, that she degenerates into idolatry, for if she declines from perfection in a single iota, it is as an enduring mark on a comely face, destroying by its unsightliness the beauty of the whole." - St. John of Damascus

Many a man sat through sermons that included lines like those - apparently without a care that it might bring into question their masculinity or that of the speaker.

And how long has it been since you heard this quote from Matt. 23:37?

"How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn't let me." -Jesus

Outside the Church, culture is changing. How many university students have you heard complaining that they just can't learn anything from their female professors? How many male students are complaining that they can't listen properly to a female college professor or high school teacher?

Aaron, no, it's not right to put men down, but I wouldn't call any criticism of men to be feminism. To me, feminism is truly believing that women have equal value with men, and not just giving this concept lip service as many of my fellow conservative Christians do.

I do have to agree with some of the other comments here. Unfortunately, women are frequently treated better by people outside of the church than in. This might make some people mad, but the truth is that unfortunately, many men in conservative Christianity twist certain Bible verses to put women down. The church should be encouraging these men to look to Christ for healing of their issues, but instead, the church frequently indulges these men in their insecurities, all in the name of Christianity.

Hi..
Yes, there are huge differences between men and women voices. But each and every voices is unique, fresh and distinct. But let one thing clear that the voice of women is more attractive than men. Thanks for sharing this.

Men or women, it's how they deliver the message that matters.

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