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November 2, 2010

The Church Bashing Trend

by by Tracey Bianchi

Kathryn Stockett’s The Help has been one of my recently treasured reads. An intricate tale of racism in Jackson, Mississippi, that I found myself both enthralled and appalled with as I turned her pages.

Sotckett, anticipating this judgment on her home state said, “Mississippi is like my mother. I am allowed to complain about her all I want, but God help the person who raises an ill word around me.”

In other words: watch the criticism unless you’ve been on the inside.

In Stockett’s protective sentiment, I found words for a timely conversation that has nothing to do with domestic life in Mississippi but everything to do with upbringing and speaking into one’s native landscape.

In particular, who, among the current critics of Evangelicalism has earned the right to criticize harshly and still be heard?

It is extremely fashionable to rant against Evangelicalism and indeed there is much to lament. Whether correcting outrageous comments by Fred Phelps or laughing along with the poignant humor of Jon Acuff, there is absolutely a place for correction in the Church.

There is a burgeoning trend, a mini-club of folks who were raised in a hyper-conservative setting, who found themselves shackled by faith, who were told never to doubt. And who are understandably rising from their slumber to criticize their tradition.

This is worthy of celebrating. Transforming, questioning, challenging, learning.

However, I struggle because this conversation has become trendy and too far-reaching, confusing and alienating those outside the Church.

Trendy, like, “Hey, yeah, I was raised all messed up in the church. You too? Great, let’s go to a coffee shop and stay fashionably detached while bashing our pastors.” Yes, I am being dramatic and trite to make the point but have you experienced this yourself? I have been on both sides of this conversation.

So, when do we stop making sweeping statements about how awful pastors, seminaries or churches are when in reality, many of these institutions have provided the forums and resources for these conversations to take place? At what point does the chatter about what we once were alienate the outside world in the same way the hyper-conservative traditions many react against?

I am a person who was raised without faith. By college I knew more about Eddie Vedder than Jesus, and I am not alone. According to the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life (2009), the number of Protestants in the US now hovers at 51%, only 26% consider themselves “Evangelicals.” Turns out half of us have not grown up in any sort of church, let alone the stifling communities many now berate.

It is necessary to lament the wiles of life inside the church, but it is dangerous when we assume that everyone else is uplifted by our conversations. We need to keep asking: who are we talking to?

Millions of people have a church-less story. They were never told not to doubt or how to vote because they grew up separated from those dogmas, and they are not sold on Jesus enough to stay put when the conversation turns native. Native talk is necessary but does not always make for good outreach.

Like Stockett, I recognize that I’ve little space to comment since I was born on the outside. But speaking for those on the outside, are we reaching a point where we might get over it and on with it?

How do we shift from reactive to progressive conversations?

Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on November 2, 2010 10:24 AM

Comments

Tracey, you raise some great questions. I was raised in the church, and always believed in it deeply until a few years ago when I was abused in the church. It shook my faith, lead toward extensive questioning, and completely altered my perspectives. It has been a very hard journey back filled with a lot of rejection from Christians, including being excommunicated from a church with a known leader/speaker/author who claimed that I was a false believer and was out to cause disunity because of the doubts, disillusionment, and questions I held.

Through this journey I have conversed with many of those who are so hurt and disillusioned that they are walking away, and their words and hearts have pained me. At first I found some comfort and understanding, but they I realized they wanted me to join them in their misery and I wanted a way out. I am now a survivor of the abuse who is working actively to be an overcomer and change things for others. I believe deeply in The Church and Christ's bride, but recognize it is lead by broken people who make many mistakes. There is now nothing I find more joy in than working to unify, empower, and uplift the body and to see them come alive through worshipping God by living out our faith.

How do we change? Like any conversation where someone is stuck in their thinking I think it starts by listening, showing compassion, accepting them where they are, and then challenging them to look at the situation in a different way to find one place they could be a part of positive change. Giving them ownership or a place to be a part of it has been key in my recovery because it allowed me to change from being a victim to having a voice.

Posted By: Sherie | November 2, 2010 12:26 PM

I think if you were raised "inside" as I was the very last thing you need to be told is to shut up and don't talk about it because you may hurt a seeker who is a potential church tither. While I understand and empathize with your blog on this topic, what you do not realize is that you are telling us to do the very thing we were told to do our entire lives. "Don't think. Don't whine. Don't complain. Accept by faith. Be positive. Think of the ministry! Don't question. If you don't like it leave." These methods are the very same ones used by destructive mind control groups. Such groups fear anyone who disagrees, raises questions,uncovers error, or stands for truth. People would rather be happy under a lie than hurt under the truth. But ignoring cancer eventually kills you - even if you ignore it for the sake of those who will be hurt by the news. Should we ignore what we have learned to accommodate your comfort zone? Instead, you should ask us to yell and scream when we see the warning signs of abusive control, because we lived it once and would not want anyone to live it again.

Posted By: JEB | November 2, 2010 2:01 PM

Having been in the church for decades and recently through an exodus, I see the wisdom in Tracey's post, but I can also feel JEB's flinch. There must be time and space for healing for refugees, but there also must come a time for figuring out how to move on. The goal of a refugee camp is not to shelter people there forever, but to equip them to find a new home and re-build their lives.

That's the stage I'm dealing with at the moment. I don't even know yet what 'moving on will look like, but I know God is nudging me' in that direction. I need Tracey's warning that not everyone out there needs to hear all the garbage, but neither can we rush healing. Detox can take awhile to flush out all the poison. I've been privileged to have a safe place where I could vent, but then where someone could speak in love when I needed a warning not to cross a line into unhealthy negativism. I hope that I can provide safe & healthy places for others who need refuge & healing. Maybe that's what my "moving on" will look like.

Posted By: Kaye | November 2, 2010 3:16 PM


This article has nothing to do with "potential tithers" and everything to do with seeking healing wisely so we do not become the stumbling block that prevents someone from accepting Salvation.

Those of us who were hurt in the church need to remember that the injury came either from people who had a personal relationship with Christ and were deeply misled themselves, or from people who claimed the name Christian falsely so they could exercise power over others. In either case, the hurt did not come from Christ, who sacrificed everything to purchase our freedom from sin's destruction.

Having already gone through the healing process, I remember how spewing the details of my hurt to everyone who would listen kept me trapped in the hurt. If you have been hurt, ask God to provide you with gracious and wise friends and counselors who can help you work through the healing and forgiveness process. Like me, you will find more freedom and joy than you could even imagine while fixating on the hurtful events and attitudes.

Posted By: Grace | November 3, 2010 9:36 AM

Isn't it really all about letting the Holy Spirit guide our conversations? And seeking discernment re our audience?

Just as it would be unwise of me to lament in mixed company my desire to lose those last 5 stubborn pounds (who among us has a hidden eating disorder? who is struggling to lose residual baby weight?), it would also be unwise to reveal my personal spiritual struggles with the church without knowing the spiritual condition of my audience.

To a spiritually mature and trusted friend, I can reveal my unvarnished struggles and seek prayer and comfort without becoming a stumbling block to her spiritual growth — it is that danger I strive to guard against.

I guess I am most hopeful for real growth ... that to become more Christ-like and real communities of believers, we can concentrate most on building instead of burning bridges.

Posted By: Heather Knight | November 3, 2010 9:55 AM

Hi Kaye and JEB,
Thanks for the insightful thoughts. Kaye said it well with the refugee camp image, what a great way to put it!! Thank you for that. And JEB, thanks for your passion. Indeed, this conversation is not about potential tithers or trying to squelch anyone's voice or cry for change. My point was, like Kaye said, to ask the question on when it is time to move on. The conversations on change and the church thinking evolving are essential (I actually applaud that in the post). My point was simply a call to discernment on when we begin to move on. Not because of a potential tithe or to dare to tell anyone NOT to think, but because all conversations should eventually evolve, it is how we know we are actually changing. I hope that people would want the conversation to evolve for this is how you know that you have been heard. When people start to nod and agree and move forward. This is the hope, that we learn and grow and forge ahead. Thanks for your thoughts and insight on it all.

Posted By: Tracey | November 3, 2010 11:26 PM

I've never seen bashing as a trend, but I have seen complaining about "bashing" as a bald faced move to squash honest discussion about deeply damaging and deeply held values/ways of being in the Church.

Not saying this article is doing that...but I'm very skeptical when people want me to "simply understand" or "lessen" my response to what is simply sinfulnesss.

It seems to me that we are, as a community, very comfortable to point the finger about the sins of others, but the Church has an allergy to turning that penetrating eye on itself.

If honesty and a hard reciprocal call to obedience is bashing...then bash away, say I, and happily.

Too much is at stake...

Posted By: nathan | November 4, 2010 3:49 PM

Rebuke, constructive criticism, discipline, and accountability are so very painful, especially as we grow, even in Christ. Christ's bride is growing, and is not above reproach. How gentle was Jesus with hypocrisy? How gentle was He with the money lenders in the "House of Prayer". Humility, honesty, compassion, transparency, and gentleness are our roles as Christ's arms and legs. His role is healing and using whatever tool is necessary, whether an ax or a silk glove.

Posted By: Charles Jackson | November 5, 2010 9:59 AM

WOW.. Serious food for thought. THe thing is it leaves you more exhausted and guilty.. it is really a trend...
thanks for the warning

Posted By: catherine | November 5, 2010 10:03 AM

I certainly have done my fair share of critiquing the Church (this blog is full of my critical posts!), but one thing that troubles me is when we speak as though our OWN issues are universal.

For example, lately I read a lot of blogs and books from people who grew up never being allowed to "question" or "doubt" and who assume it was this way for everyone. It certainly doesn't represent my own faith experience--where questions are fully welcome.

Same goes for the Social Justice thing. Evangelicals seem to think we've discovered this and that no church folk have EVER engaged in this. My husband--who grew up Catholic in the Jesuit tradition--will tell you it's ALL he ever heard about. And that's only the recent history.

All this to say, I think Tracey's making some great points here. It's good to call out when we see bad things happening among Christians, but we have to be careful not to assume that what WE see is all that happens. It's very small minded. God's people and his Church are vast.

Posted By: Caryn Rivadeneira | November 5, 2010 10:17 AM

Caryn, I agree with you. I resonate with some of what "doubters" experienced, especially regarding women and the church, but when I search my mind for my personal experiences, I come up with shaky examples of when I was really told NOT to doubt. Sometimes I wonder how much of my own questions are a projection of my own limitations and denial of the mystery that is God. Thanks for pointing out that the church has been interested in social justice for a very long time, even if a certain sect of the evangelical world is just getting on board.

Posted By: Nicole Unice | November 5, 2010 9:24 PM

It's good for us who were raised in the church to step back, take a deep breath, examine what is truly biblical, and understand what was cultural for that time.

This takes some time and energy, and is best done in solitude with Christ. Out of this pondering and examination can emerge a deeper, more vibrant faith ... that will, most likely, in some ways be very different than that of our fore-mothers.

But in the important non-negotiables, what is valuable, the truth of who Jesus Christ is and the issues of our hearts - those things time and culture will not change.

Now - to be wise and discerning!

Posted By: Linda Stoll | November 9, 2010 12:50 PM

I was born and raised in Mississippi and born and raised in the Church so understand the quote from Stockett's perspective. I left the church, jaded and disgruntled over the non Christian behavior and yes, I was one of the loud complainers. I returned to the Church and found peace. There are bad people everywhere and there are also good people in the same places.

Posted By: Gail O | November 15, 2010 9:59 PM

Having grown up on the "inside" and having attended a well-known Bible college, I completely agree that "evangelical bashing" is a trend... at least among my generation of "20 somethings". In classes or around the dinner table with those now entering the early levels of church leadership, young adults who had never experienced serious abuse in the church saw it as “hip” to poke fun and scoff at what's wrong with evangelicalism. Ironically, as we sat in classes and dinner tables at an evangelical school!

None of those conversations led to anything productive or fruitful. It only further alienated those desiring true healing and growth through their pain and allowed apathy to sprout in those who had previously been passionate about helping the church towards holiness.

Real pain and doubt is one thing and should be dealt with in all the love, grace and fullness of Christ's healing power. I saw several friends receive this support during times of doubt and loss of faith while at our Bible college. However, allowing disillusionment to become a cover and permission for more backbiting, gossip and unholy anger (that which does not lead to righteousness) is simply sin from another angle. Wisdom and humility is key to discerning the difference.

Posted By: Sarah | November 18, 2010 11:11 PM

As a P.K. (Preacher's kid) & "GUBA" -- one who Grew Up Born Again, I've said for years that churches are made for sinful people, BY sinfulpeople, with sinful people at the helm. Therefore, there are billions of reasons why Jesus had to die.

Jesus said very plainly, "Come, follow ME." He didn't say Follow this guy or that lady, and watch them hurt and disappoint you.

Meanwhile, believers have got to extend grace and stay connected to make a difference in this world. There are also reasons why Jesus said a house divided cannot stand. (Mark 3:25.)

Posted By: Stephane Raquel | August 22, 2011 5:36 PM

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