Gifted for Leadership: Three Cheers for Men

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November 23, 2010

Three Cheers for Men

by Nicole Unice

This fall I’ve been through one of the biggest transitions in my career, and it’s not just the job responsibilities. After spending seven years in working almost exclusively with women, I now spend the majority of my time with men.

And I love it.

For a woman as “pro-women” as I am, it’s a little hard to write that sentence. I have a stake in promoting women. I want to be part of a generation that works to bring women to the table in all areas of leadership. I think it’s time, and I think it’s good for the church.

But all too often, the pro-women conversation can get a little sharp. Conversations with women about finding their place in ministry easily morph into “what’s-wrong-with-men” gripe-fests.

So I don’t blame our male leaders for being wary. We are asking them to make room for women in male-dominated arenas. We are asking them to break through rigidity in role and embrace some ambiguity as we all try to figure out how to work together. Those are not easy tasks, and in our haste to make space for women, we can easily skate by the opportunity to appreciate what men bring to the table. So in this season of celebration, I think it’s time to appreciate what men bring to church leadership.

Here’s a cheer for recognizing differences.

It’s normal in women’s ministry that women do all the work. This, in my case, meant hauling tables and stacking chairs and promoting the do-it-yourself attitude at every turn. When I made the move to student ministry, I noticed something wonderful: men who step up and make things easier for me. Men, who carry tables and take chairs out of my arms and teach me to rely on them for their gifts—even if that’s height or brawn.

Men also bring a unique perspective to our student ministry—and not just in their leading of teen boys. It’s also the strong-but-gentle, silly-but-godly way they conduct themselves that models for girls what boys can—and should—grow up to be. That’s something that I just can’t do. So here’s to men for their men-specific differences.

But here’s a cheer for acknowledging similarities.

When I come to the table in ministry leadership, I bring a voice. That voice developed through experiences, culture and gender. But gender is only one piece of the puzzle.

So here’s to the men in ministry who make room for the female perspective and recognize that we can actually think quite alike. Whatever the specific area of ministry, we have one heart: to bring Jesus Christ to as many people as possible. To create opportunities for transformation and growth and relationship. And whether that manifests itself in a high tea or golf tournament or Bible study class, knowing that we are all working toward the same goal—men and women—is worth cheering about.

I appreciate men in ministry who are brave enough to know that we are more similar than different and who honor women’s voices by acknowledging those similarities. Consider the Message translation of Colossians 3:11:
“From now on everyone is defined by Christ, and everyone is included in Christ.”

Regardless of what your church’s leadership thinks of women, I think it’s time we step back and give a cheer for what the men in our churches do. I’ve given out two cheers, and the third is up to you.

What do you specifically appreciate about the men who lead in your church?

Leave a comment here, then step out—consider a call or note of encouragement to honor those men today.

Comments

I'm grateful for the male leaders who have mentored me with gentleness and wisdom. Always calling me to be more like Christ and never intimating that I had to be less feminine to do so. I'm blessed to have never heard from a leader in my home church (though I have heard it elsewhere) "No, because you're a woman".

Sarah, that is definitely worth cheering about. I appreciate how you drawing out the idea that it is ok to be fully feminine and still be a great leader in the church!

Nicole, this is a poignant and heartfelt piece.I have so much respect for men in leadership roles in the Church, and am sure that there are a few seats open for a "few good women" as well. Thought diversity can do nothing but improve any organization.

Kate, I love the phrase "thought diversity." I think it's easy as the "minority" to consider how cultural changes--like women moving into ministry leadership--effect the men who have traditional held such positions. As with everything, we hope to show grace, humility and respect in all we do.

Nicole,
This is such an important reminder. So often, we emphasize the differences, which doesn't move us forward.
Recognizing the contribution each person makes, regardless of gender, will build up the body!

Nonsense- most women simply do not have the leadership skills necessary to successfully guide a complex organization or large group of people. I've seen it a million times. The simple fact is that most women flourish best as helpers, not leaders. Those women who do possess the necessary attributes- discernement, judgement, perserverance, the ability to inspire, the toughness to bend other people to their will, don't seem happy in those leadership positions in which a man would revel. They are invariably unhappy and unbearably stressed. Instead of encouraging women to pursue careers to which they are not naturally inclinced, we should recognize the roles which nature has assigned us and allow people to act accordingly.

So much could be said, Johann. Just this: I have seen many women--in secular and Christian organizations--lead well in complex and large situations, with great skill, over time. In today's relational culture, they are especially effective. Some of the best motivators I have known are women. And I love how God was so willing to use so many women to build His kingdom.

Johann--a million times? I'm wondering what context and in what organizations you've seen such behavior. And more than that, I'm curious about men who have "toughness to bend other people to their will". There's not a man or a woman I'm looking to serve under who has those qualities. Seems to me that Jesus modeled humility, servanthood, and influence that came from a deep compassion and love--qualities I believe women--and men--can model quite well.

I was reading along happily until I came to Johann's comment! Jeedoo and Nicole have done well to respond without blowing a fuse. We all need grace to get used to the reality of giftedness in women. It will take a while.

I'm grateful for the men who don't treat me differently or act like I'm some delicate flower because I'm a woman. I'm also grateful for those who are comfortable with outwards displays of emotion. I'm also grateful to the ones who are comfortable with and supportive of women in leadership.

@Johann,

You say " women simply do not have the leadership skills necessary to successfully guide a complex organization or large group of people." If that is true, is it possible that those women just haven't been mentored in a way to make them successful at this task? Because of the glass ceiling, many women have not had anyone take enough of an interest in them and their success to groom them in the way that many men were groomed. I don't believe men are natural born leaders. If that were the case, then why the men who have failed at that task? I think Adam failed to successfully lead he and his wife away from temptation. And what of the examples of modern day men who either failed to lead or led poorly. Think of any of the recent corporate scandals, moral failings of male politicians, priests caught up in pedophilia and the list goes on and on. What about the women in the Bible who were clearly leaders? Deborah, for one comes to mind. And what about the successful females CEOs and other executives like Meg Whitman? Leaders, in my opinion, are made, not born. Also, I wouldn't hold up bending " other people to their will" as a virtue. Anyone who does that in leadership, male or female, is not as much a leaders as a dictator.

I love that both genders can bring such strength to any area of ministry. Being a leader (I believe) means really knowing how to serve the people you're leading. Humility and wisdom are both equally important in leadership--much more important than gender. By the way, my husband often comes to the women's events that I oversee--to help me in any way he can. Because that's what the body of Christ does--serve and love each other so that we can be a light.

Pat-I agree! Here's to men who don't treat us like softies BUT are also ok with some emotion.

I appreciate men in my church for their heart's after God's own heart; desiring to be obedient to the Word of God by modeling sacrificial lives that serve God in the spiritual and tangible things of godly leadership.

Wow. Good one. Leaders are made not born. All persons, male and female alike need to lead where they are. One need not to be on top of the organisational ladder or church structure to lead! Leadership is ability to excell in what one does and help others around you to pursue their dreams for a common goal. In church we talking about taking the love of God to the world. period.

What an amazing thread. I'm impressed that so many have expressed such diverse ideas with respect and humility. I also cannot help but be reminded of the first commandment, "Love thy Lord thy God with with all your heart, mind, and soul". The second is like it, "Love thy neighbor as yourself". I firmly believe that the name of the role in which we serve within any organization will not matter. If we follow those two commandments, we are imitating the leadership of Christ.

I appreciate all of these comments. I must say that recently I prayed that God would help me see Men through his eyes! I realized that the more aggressive men in my past took advantage of me; in school, relationships and career. While the passive men stood by and watched or blamed me for the result. Though I have healed from the wounds I realized I am handicapped in seeing Men in the powerful and impactful way that God does. Thank you all for being the beginning to this answered prayer!

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