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January 11, 2011

Motherhood and Ministry

Helping moms embrace God’s mission.

 by Helen Lee

Kathy, a friend of mine who serves as an elder at her church, recently shared an issue with me that she and her fellow leaders constantly wrestle with. "We always need more volunteers in our church, but it's so hard to ask moms to get more involved in ministry," she said. "They are already so tired, so busy; I don't even want to ask them to do anything else. Maybe after their kids get older, we can get them involved again."

I wonder how often in our churches we assume that once a woman becomes a mother, she has to put her potential contributions in the church on hold for an indefinite period (with the exception of serving in the church nursery or Sunday school program).

If a mother has multiple children, does she have to wait until her youngest is in school before she can start thinking about getting involved in ministry in some way? For a woman who has three kids, three years apart, that would mean a 14-year hiatus! And life certainly gets only more complicated once children are older and involved in all of their activities, requiring even more of a mom's time to oversee and chauffeur. When is it the right time to ask moms to expand their sphere of ministry beyond their family into new areas of leadership?

This past year I have spoken with numerous mothers who are engaged in a mission to which they feel called and deeply passionate. I've come to a realization: Church leaders would do mothers a favor by encouraging them to stay involved in the church's ministry or in whatever spheres of influence and callings God has given them, especially after they have kids.

In fact, doing so could actually be the most helpful and life-giving opportunity for many women, especially those who struggle with questions of identity and purpose when they become moms, and yet feel guilty if they have dreams and desires outside of motherhood like I did.

Instead of accepting the idea that women should pull back and retreat from service once they become moms, church leaders who can help mothers re-engage with their pre-mom interests and God-given gifts may lead them to a much greater fulfillment and joy in their lives. As women begin to understand how motherhood fits into the larger calling and purpose that God has for them, they realize an important truth: motherhood is critically important, but even the role of being a mother cannot come before our commitment to God and the particular mission he has designed for each and every one of us. And more often than not, that mission includes—but also goes beyond—the walls of our homes to the greater world around us, echoing the mission that Jesus imprinted on his followers thousands of years ago: "Be my witnesses...to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:8).

How about you? Are you following God's calling and mission for your life? What are the ways you can help mothers in your congregation better understand and embrace their gifts and callings? How does your church help moms grasp what their God-given missions are?

Posted by Marian Liautaud on January 11, 2011 9:24 PM

Comments

I'm definitely learning to be a "missional mom." This year, God gave me a great heart to minister in my natural pathways, right along with my children. We've built a neighborhood fitness ministry! I also figured out how to be "missional" in the blog world.

Posted By: LivewithFlair | January 12, 2011 7:45 AM

Heather, what beautiful photos of snowflakes! My boys were impressed! And I love that your "missional" activities are being done with your kids. They will take away so many great values by doing so. Blessings in your continued areas of ministry and thanks for sharing!

Posted By: Helen Lee | January 12, 2011 8:38 AM

Two things come to mind for me . . .

1. Often churches have no problem asking moms to minister . . . to children. "Hey, she's a mom -- she knows how to do this!" seems to be the train of thought. So moms who spend all their time with kids end up working with kids at church too -- and get burned out. Some women love children's ministry -- and, if that is their gifting and passion, then I say "Go for it!" But over and over again I want to urge church leaders to invite mothers to minister in OTHER ways. We need a break from kids! (Or at least I do!)

2. A huge key here is saying "no" to all of the commitments vying for our time so that we have emotional space and actual time in our lives to plug in to ministry. We also must give ourselves the grace to spend less time on something than we may want to. I've finally jumped in to a ministry that I've wanted to start for years, but have intentionally "scaled things back" so it is manageable... something I can actually do!

Posted By: Kelli Trujillo | January 12, 2011 11:01 AM

Kelli, I am with you completely. I was serving in a couple of different capacities in the children's ministry mainly out of obligation, and not out of a true sense of calling, and over time doing so just burnt me out! I would love to see our churches take the initiative in their mothers' lives to ask questions about their giftings and callings, then encourage them to serve in ways that match those talents. And you are absolutely right: we moms have a finite amount of time, and we need to be able to say "no" to many good things (and some not so good things!) to embrace the best things we can do with our lives. Sometimes when we say "yes" to do things that are not part of the calling God has for us, we are just keeping others from serving! God can more than pick up the slack through his other servants, something I have to keep reminding myself when tempted to take on each and every service opportunity that arises. Thanks for commenting!

Posted By: Helen Lee | January 12, 2011 11:50 AM

"..but even the role of being a mother cannot come before our commitment to God and the particular mission he has designed for each and every one of us..." I am not sure what was intended in this article aligns with this statement. I am a youth pastor's wife, and I am well acquainted with the hardships of balancing my children and youth events and ministry. However, my concern witht this statement is that motherhood and wife"dom" is not a high calling. I would say that it is the highest calling. I would say that God set a plan in Genesis when He made Eve a helpmate not another label. There is so much opportunity in serving as a housewife and mother, but I often don't see those times, because I think my kids are holding me back from my ministry. I liked the neighborhood fitness program said earlier. What a good idea to include the kids and everyone in what's going on! God brings plenty of ways to serve when our hearts are surrendered to the mission He has created us to fulfill.

Posted By: Jessica | January 16, 2011 11:26 PM

I love your words, Helen. I think that helping women engage in their gifts as mothers AND as women is key, and I think helping women engage in meaningful work alongside of the meaningful work as they raise children can actually help them find purpose and satisfaction in staying home with their children (I'm living proof.)

One small thing we've tried to do at church is make sure we offer childcare when we have leadership meetings. I think by saying "your children are welcome here" we create an environment where women don't feel like they have to "choose" ministry or motherhood, but that both can work together beautifully.

Posted By: Nicole | January 17, 2011 4:25 PM

I serve as a pastor in our church, and my wife and I have two girls (one and just-about-three). So, in some ways, that's a double-whammy for her. I love that she has found so many ways to serve that go along with her passion (and not in a pastors-wives-are-required-to-do-ministry-too kind of way). It's made a huge difference for her, and it's been great for our marriage that she contributes to our church beyond her relationship with me.

Posted By: Benjer McVeigh | January 20, 2011 6:50 AM

As a mom of 2 elementary-aged girls, I understand the need for a mom to "focus on family." At the same time, I have derived some of my greatest joys from ministering in my gifts of leadership and communication. When my kids were babies, MOPS was a great way to merge those two areas of life.

Posted By: Esther | January 21, 2011 12:51 PM

In fact, doing so could actually be the most helpful and life-giving opportunity for many women

Posted By: Patent Application | January 24, 2011 12:56 AM

This makes for such a great point. I think moms need to stay involved with ministry. Yes, children would be our first ministry, but God can put more than one ministry on our hearts. And besides, motherhood is rewarding, but also being able to engage in activities outside of kids, can help keep us sane. We are all called to serve, and by serving we also set an example for our children.

Posted By: Monica | February 10, 2011 12:42 AM

As a mentor to teen age girls, I find that mothers in our society at large, and even in the Church, have become disconnected from their children and there is no pathway of communication. The over whelming problem is both of the parents, and their absorption with either a dysfunctional relationship between themselves, or total absorption with a live-in which excludes the children and makes them wish for death.

I pray that the Church will begin to really address family issues, and not just to the mothers but to the fathers also.

I realize that your article is specifically about mothers and ministry, but as I read I cannot help but be bold in the information I have and live with each day.

What can the Church do, and what can mothers and fathers do, and what can Pastors and teachers do?

What will we all do to save the families and the children? They are dying.

Posted By: Ramona | February 15, 2011 11:45 AM

I have two children: a 1-year-old and a 5-year-old. I am actively involved in my church leading the Angel Tree ministry, speaking occasionally during a service, and working to begin a teen center in our community. I also work as a public school teacher.

I am passionate about all my "jobs": mom, minister, teacher. Our church board has been active in recognizing my gifts and engaging me to use them.

Also, I shared my heart with them and let them know what my gifts were, so some moms might want to choose to do that so that any assumptions on the part of pastoral staff are dismissed.

Posted By: Robyn | March 3, 2011 11:46 AM

I disagree with the statement that wifehood and motherhood are a woman's "highest calling." I don't find that in the Bible. Yes, God called Eve a "helpmeet," but that word does not imply that a wife's function is to simply "stand by your man." The word ezer is a powerful word. The other places it is used in the Old Testament it refers to GOD as a "helper" for Israel. They couldn't be what God intended without a helper: God. Adam needed a helper, a wife, because he couldn't be what God intended without her, not because he needed an assistant.

God takes marriage and parenthood very seriously. But marriage and parenthood are not the end-all of what God calls belivers to do.

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

I'm not sure that obeying "the great commission" (which of course includes our childre, but is not limited to our children) is a HIGHER calling than our relationships with our husbands and children, but I am positive that it is not a LOWER calling either.

Posted By: Robyn | March 3, 2011 12:02 PM

One more, I promise. Although it is generally true (not in our family, but in many), it bothers me that the assumption is that mothers bear the primary responsibility for raising children. God speaks clearly to fathers regarding raising children. Perhaps if more fathers took on an equal role in caring for and discipling their children, moms would be more free to engage in ministry.

Posted By: Robyn | March 3, 2011 12:05 PM

I agree with Esther that my opportunity to serve within my church with kids wrapped around my legs was through MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers).

For almost forty years MOPS International has been partnering with local churches to give moms an opportunity to grow and serve while mothering. In fact our mission statement gets to the very heart of working with moms to develop their leadership skills as they do ministry in the midst of motherhood.

It's true becoming a mom changes some details of our lives, but it also changes us to the very core. It allows us to discover new passions while remembering what we cared about in our pre-mom years. For me, MOPS was a place to develop new skills and trust God in new ways. Not to mention everyone around me understood we needed to schedule meetings around nap time.

Posted By: Alexandra Kuykendall | March 9, 2011 10:56 AM

Some churches make it even harder for moms (and dads) to get involved by requiring that all parents serve in nursery/childcare. At the church I attend this is how things work. It causes those who have no desire or gifting to serve in this ministry to feel used, misunderstood, and falsely obligated. What other ministry do we do this with? None. If you cannot scratch up enough people to help serve the kids (or any other ministry) then don't offer it. Sorry for the rant! I agree with the sentiments here and find that my wife has increasingly become a role model in this area for me. She has really struggled through it with God to drop all ministries she does not feel she should be doing and it has freed her to do more meaningful ministry both in church and in our community.

Posted By: Mark | March 25, 2011 3:42 PM

"God called Eve a 'helpmeet'"

I have to disagree. "Helpmeet" is a conjoining of two adjacent words from the KJV: "I will make a help meet for him" (Gen. 2:18). "Help" is still a good translation of the Hebrew "ezer" but "meet" is archaic Jacobean English for "suitable." We still hear the word in the 1928 Anglican Communion liturgy: "It is meet, right and our bounden duty to offer these Thy gifts . . ." It had no connotation of "Mate" until after the KJV was published and people started combining the two words into the nonsensical "helpmeet," with "meet" later transforming into "mate."

The bastardized word "helpmeet" in no way translates the Hebrew word after "help"--"kenegdo"(which the original Jacobean meaning for "meet" as "suitable" at least made a stab at). "Kenegdo" means "standing, facing" or "opposite to." In some Hebrew texts, it is even translated as "opposing." It describes a being who stands on two legs and faces the man, i.e., an equal.

It is amazing to me that Bible translators are still getting away with using "helpmate" or "helpmeet" as valid words for the Hebrew in Genesis.

Posted By: Mlane | March 25, 2011 5:18 PM

I agree, I have not found that being a wife and mother is given as a woman's highest calling in the Bible. I usually cringe about these verses, but singleness is actually held up as a high calling, as it is undivided attention to God's service.
Also, as a non-wife/non-mom, my life is plenty busy, and all of the things need doing in a household is accomplished by me alone. However, I don't know how y'all get all the people ready to go somewhere simultaneously - kudos!
I kind of tired of putting little labels on each other. Can we stop doing this as Christians? I think labeling others causes us to sin (just look at issues with race).

Posted By: EveryDayK | March 28, 2011 4:47 PM

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